64 Santa Jokes Guaranteed to Get You on the Nice List

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Have snow much fun with Santa humor

There are so many great things about the holidays: the nostalgia, the music, the movies, the gifts! But nothing’s better than the gift of laughter, especially when it’s from time spent with family and friends, sharing stories, reminiscing about past holidays and celebrating the season together. While there are many Christmas jokes to tell, hardly any are as jolly as these Santa jokes.

For booming ho-ho-holiday laughs, tell these hilarious jokes to the people you love. Who knows, maybe their bellies will shake like bowls full of jelly.

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The best Santa jokes

• Why was Santa late to deliver presents?
  His sleigh got mistle-towed.

• What is Rudolph’s favorite holiday movie?
  Fly Hard.

• What did Santa buy Mrs. Claus for Christmas?
  An elf-cleaning oven.

• Why doesn’t Rudolph play poker?
  His nose lights up when he has a good hand.

• What do you call it when you dream that Santa doesn’t show up?
  The nightmare before Christmas.

• Why didn’t the Christmas tree get any presents from Santa?
  He was on the knotty list.

• What’s the secret to Mr. and Mrs. Claus’ long and happy marriage?
  It’s a wonderful wife.

• What is Santa’s favorite reality show?
  Prancing with the Stars.

• What happened when Santa spilled ink on his outfit?
  He had a blue Christmas.

• Why did Santa fail science?
  He didn’t understand clause and effect.

• Why did Santa take meditation classes?
  To learn to be present.

• What is Santa’s favorite kind of sandwich?
  Ho-ho-hoagie.

• Which reindeer isn’t allowed to throw parties anymore?
  Donner, because a Donner party never ends well.

Looking for the perfect winter pick-me-up? Warm up with these winter jokes about the snowy season.

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Christmas dad jokes about Santa

• What is Santa’s favorite old rock song?
  “Santa Gadda Da Vida.”

• How did Mrs. Claus get the spice cookies off the cookie sheet?
  Gingerly.

• Why didn’t Santa get on the elevator with his reindeer?
  Clause-trophobia.

• What is Santa’s favorite drink?
  An old-fashioned Christmas.

• Why didn’t Mrs. Claus believe Santa’s excuse for being late?
  It was in-clausible.

• What was Dancer’s excuse for missing dinner?
  He was distracted by 12 drummers drumming.

• Why does Santa wear red and white?
  It soots him.

• What happened when Santa tried stand-up comedy?
  He sleighed.

• What do you call it when you spend the holidays at home drinking in front of the fire?
  A wine Christmas.

• Where does Mrs. Claus go when she needs to relax?
  Santa spas.

• Why doesn’t Father Christmas play golf?
  All his shots end up in the sand-a trap.

• Why doesn’t Mrs. Claus help deliver presents?
  She knows there’s snow place like home.

• What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus as she watered the vegetable garden?
  “I think it’s going to rain, dear.”

• What was Santa doing in the backyard on Christmas Eve?
  Hollying the deck.

• Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
  Elf-is Presley.

When dads aren’t busy putting up the holiday lights or finding the biggest Christmas tree, they’re sure to laugh at these dad jokes.

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Santa Claus jokes for kids

• Why did Santa take a nap?
  Be-clause he was tired.

• Why did Santa lose the spelling bee?
  He thought there was noel.

• How do you get a reindeer’s attention?
  Jingle bells.

• What did they call the kitten who lived with the Clauses?
  A polecat.

• Which reindeer studied astronomy?
  Comet.

• What do you call a sheep dressed for Christmas?
  Santa Baas.

• What did Santa do when he found a kitten had hitched a ride on his sleigh?
  He let the cat out of the bag.

• Why did Santa eat peanut butter out of the jar?
  Because his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly.

• What do you call a Christmas tree after Santa leaves presents under it?
  A giving tree.

• What is Santa’s favorite summer treat?
  Snow cones.

• Why was the elf on the shelf?
  He was in a timeout for refusing to learn the elf-abet.

• Why don’t huskies pull Santa’s sleigh?
  Everyone knows dogs can’t fly.

• Who is Santa’s favorite muppet?
  Cookie Monster. They have so much in common!

• What did they call St. Nick when he was a newborn?
  Santa baby.

If you have a budding stand-up comic in your house, make sure they know some of the best jokes for kids.

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Santa knock-knock jokes

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Snow.
  Snow who?
  Snow what? It’s almost Christmas.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Holly.
  Holly who?
  Holly-days are my favorite time of the year!

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Chim.
  Chim who?
  Chimney’s broken, so I had to use the door.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Olive.
  Olive who?
  Olive the other reindeer!

There’s nothing better than the classics. You’ll be cracking up at these knock-knock jokes.

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Jokes about Santa’s helpers

• Why did Santa think Rudolph might have an anger problem?
  Because he was always seeing red.

• Which reindeer is the most romantic?
  Cupid.

• What do you call Santa’s helpers?
  Subordinate Clauses.

• Where do Santa’s elves train for the Olympics?
  The north pool.

• Why does Santa always wake up early on Christmas Eve?
  Blitzen stands on his chest and licks his face.

• Why didn’t the new reindeer work out?
  She kept stopping for Rudolph’s red nose.

• Why did Santa buy all the reindeer boots?
  To protect their feet when they land on rooftop solar panels.

• Why did the elf steal toys?
  He was elfish.

• Why doesn’t Rudolph dance?
  He has two left feet.

• Why are the toy makers so bad at taking selfies?
  Their arms are too short.

• What does the head elf say to the rest of Santa’s helpers when she serves them pizza?
  Treat yo-elf.

Ready to get the laughs going? Try these hilarious Christmas puns.

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Funny Santa one-liners

• I’m a rebel without a Claus.
• A round of Santa-plause, please.
• Just in the St. Nick of time.
• Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
• Godfather Christmas is going to make you a present you can’t refuse.
• Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
• As Santa always says, “There’s no gift like the present.”

Do you have your own collection of cheesy puns and one-liners? Check out these corny jokes that will get a laugh out of just about anyone.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this piece on the best Santa jokes, Leigh Anne Jasheway tapped her experience as a comedy writer and stand-up comedian. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.