60 Funny Science Jokes That Will Get the Best Reaction

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Science jokes for the win!

Many people think the most exciting phrase in science is “Eureka!” But when I was in school, my favorite phrase was: “Class dismissed!” I realized science wasn’t for me when a frog dissection inspired me to change my major to English. What can I say? I just couldn’t cut it. (Wink, wink.) But as you can see, science jokes are a whole other thing.

Whether you’re at home in a lab or out of your element, the best jokes about science will make you explode with laughter. (Maybe put on some goggles to stay safe.) With funny biology jokes, physics puns and chemistry quips, this list has been scientifically proven to make anyone LOL. Ahead, enjoy 60 science jokes that will entertain, impress and possibly make you sound a lot smarter than you actually are.

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Funniest science jokes

• What do you call someone who protects a light-dispersing object?
  A prism guard.

• What do you call someone who investigates molten rocks?
  Magma, PI.

• What do you call the study of humor?
  Mirth science.

• Did you hear about the insecure physicist?
  She was fission for compliments.

• What do you call a physics teacher’s old college?
  His alma matter.

• What do you get when you cross a chemical process in plants with the end of a horse race?
  A photo-synthesis finish!

• Who was the smartest pig?
  Ein-swine.

• What kind of magnetic imaging do pirates use?
  M-aargh-I!

• What do you get when you cross an old-school punk rocker with a chemist?
  Atom Ant.

• What does a magician shout during an experiment?
  “Labracadabra!”

• What did the asteroid say when the reporter asked him a question?
  “No comet.”

• Which element is the most boastful?
  Bragnesium.

• What do you call the preserved remains of a caveman cleaning his teeth?
  A flossil.

• Which president was given money to study scientific data?
  Ulysses S. Research Grant.

• What do you call an annoying chemist?
  A pain in the flask.

• What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into the other?
  “Sorry, my fault!”

• Why is it so hard to get up in the morning?
  Newton’s First Law: A body at rest will remain at rest.

• What do you get when you cross a hip-hop artist with the theory of relativity?
  E = MC Hammer Squared.

Loving these science jokes? Check out these math jokes to tell on Pi Day and every day.

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Chemistry jokes

• What do you get when cross King Arthur’s court with the study of substances and their properties?
  Chemalot.

• What do you call a stern chemistry teacher?
  A flask master.

• What type of science do crew teams study?
  Oar-ganic chemistry.

• What do chemists yell on a golf course?
  “FORE-mula!”

• What do you do with a sick chemist?
  If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

• Where do chemists exercise?
  In the atomic weight room.

• What do you call a vampire that increases the speed of chemical reactions?
  A bat-alyst.

• What do you get when you cross a stable element with a bookstore chain?
  Barnes and Noble Gas.

• What do you get when you cross a nutrient that helps the immune system with an animated scare factory?
  Monsters, Zinc.

• What element was named after a beloved baseball catcher?
  Yogi Berra-llium.

We’ve got more where those came from! Here are dozens more chemistry jokes every science nerd will appreciate. Also, don’t forget to take this periodic table quiz to check your knowledge.

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Biology jokes

• Did you hear about the flu that spread through a superhero convention?
  It was Comic Con-tagious.

• What is the most common blood group for crew teams?
  Type row.

• What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
  Pull down its genes.

• What did Dorothy call the water-absorption expert?
  The Wizard of Ozmosis.

• How many biologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
  Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental impact statement.

• How do prisons clone inmates?
  One cell at a time.

• What warning did Julius Caesar receive as he looked through a microscope?
  “Beware the Slides of March.”

• Do you want to hear a potassium joke?
  K.

• Why did the woman break up with her biologist boyfriend?
  She thought he was cell-fish.

• What state of equilibrium did Juliet’s lover achieve?
  Romeo-stasis.

For more scientific silliness, check out these funny biology jokes that totally cell themselves.

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Physics jokes

• Why can you never trust atoms?
  They make up everything!

• Did you hear about the corn field discovered in a distant galaxy?
  It was light ears away.

• What do you get when you cross a set of writing rules with a form of electromagnetic radiation?
  Grammar rays.

• What device used to observe distant objects can zoom in on a beard?
  The Stubble telescope.

• What do you get when you cross a fundamental particle of matter with a boat filled with animals?
  Noah’s quark.

• What do you call a sermon and prayer service for physicists?
  An atomic mass.

• Who was the first electricity detective?
  Sherlock Ohms.

• What scientific model is used to explain the origin of vampires?
  The Big Fang Theory.

• What do you call the ruler of active galactic nuclei?
  A qua-czar.

• What streaming service features programs about metals that attract other metals?
  Magnetflix.

• What did the bartender say when the neutron asked how much it was for a beer?
  “For you, no charge.”

We know these physics jokes matter, but please don’t ignore this prescription for doctor jokes!

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Clever science puns

• I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.

• A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”

• I spoke to Einstein at the seance fair.

• I complained about the coffee at Starbucks and got a chain reaction.

• I fell asleep in chemistry class because it was boron.

• I read about the invention of the lightbulb in the New England Journal of Edison.

• Protons, electrons and neutrons have mass appeal.

• I got pain relief from skiing in Aspirin, Colorado.

• My drugstore doubles as a restaurant. Try the veal pharm!

• You know what traveling physicists say: “When in Ohm …”

• Outlaws who study biology and chemistry have duel majors.

Clearly, you don’t need a ton of words to make a big impact. For more than just science jokes, check out these funny one-liners for every situation.

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this story on the funniest science jokes, Peter Charkalis tapped his experience as a comedy writer for late-night TV shows including The Arsenio Hall Show, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.