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Fortune cookie sayings that are sure to make you laugh
You expect to get wise words of wisdom when you crack open a fortune cookie, but sometimes the words will make you burst out laughing instead. We’ve gathered some of the funniest fortune cookie sayings that will have you in tears. If you’re looking for something a little more inspirational, check out these stories of times fortune cookies literally changed people’s lives.
![For image: You are about to become $10.95 poorer (8.95 if you had the buffet).](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune2.jpg)
Buffet discount
At least it’s an honest fortune. Here are some quarantine quotes that are actually pretty funny.
![For image: When in anger, sing the alphabet.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune3.jpg)
A, B, C, D…
Something we all need to try in moments of anger.
![For image: The fortune you seek is in another cookie.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune5.jpg)
Next cookie
I’m not going to complain about that. More cookies for me. These funny drinking quotes will make you spit out your drink.
![For image: To truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune7.jpg)
Hide and seek
Not sure that is going to help me solve my life problems, but I’ll try. Make sure to memorize these hilarious comebacks to use the next time you need one.
![For image: It could be better, but it's good enough.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune9.jpg)
Good enough
I guess I can settle for good enough. These funny mom quotes will have you cry-laughing.
![For image: Pass the bill to the person on your right.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune11.jpg)
Not your bill
If you say so.
![For image: As long as you don't sign up for anything new, you'll do fine.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune12.jpg)
Nothing new
That is a risk I’m willing to take.
![For image: Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune13.jpg)
On fire
They’re not going to step in to help me? I’ll be less enthusiastic then.
![For image: Don't panic.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune14.jpg)
Stay calm
Well, now I’m panicking.
![For image: Error 404: Fortune not found](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune15.jpg)
Fortune not found
I demand a new cookie then.
![For image: Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your fortune cookie.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune16.jpg)
JFKookie
What can one do for a fortune cookie exactly?
![For image: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune17.jpg)
Standout noodle
Is this a compliment? I can’t tell. Make sure you never follow these hilarious pieces of bad advice.
![For image: I see money in your future...it is not yours though.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune18.jpg)
Rich future
I’ll take their future instead of mine.
![For image: Ignore previous cookie.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune19.jpg)
Last cookie
But, I liked the fortune I got.
![For image: Enjoy yourself while you can.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune25.jpg)
Enjoy life now
Is that a threat?
![For image: You love Chinese food.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune21.jpg)
Foodie
You are correct. It’s amazing how spot-on fortune cookie sayings can be.
![Only listen to fortune cookies. Disregard all other fortune telling units.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune26.jpg)
One type of fortune
I guess I should ignore the Magic 8 ball from this morning.
![For image: When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out—because that's what's inside.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune24.jpg)
Orange juice
Maybe there’s a deeper meaning here?
![For image: If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.](https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/fortune22.jpg)
Car loan
Your loan company cares about you more than anybody. These funny fortune cookie sayings probably left you laughing. Now, gain some real wisdom with these life-changing quotes.