86 Bread Puns for the Next Time You Want to Loaf Around

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You don’t knead to be a baker to appreciate a good loaf of bread, and you doughnut need to be a stand-up comic to elicit laughs with some of the best bread puns around. Of course we started our roundup of the best jokes about bread with some bread puns! But this is just the beginning—once we’re on a roll, there’s no stopping the fun.

So keep reading for tons of bread puns and dad jokes about everyone’s favorite carb. It’s the yeast we could do to get a rise out of you! Together, we can bake the world a butter place. 

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Bread puns

• Pretzels don’t have any carbs because they’re knot bread.

• He was baking a fool of himself, as usual.

• It’s the yeast I could do.

• In bread we crust.

• The guy who stole my bread is toast. He butter run fast!

• You rise above the rest.

• No knead to get all angry.

• I love rye humor.

• Want more bread puns? Cough up the dough.

• We knead more bread puns around here.

• Doughnut make me do it!

• I’d like to give a toast to the best thing since sliced bread.

• Baguette ready. We’re about to begin.

• You bread my mind.

• Naan of these bread puns are that good; they’re half-baked at best.

• Just give me a challah if you need more dough.

• Bread is the yeast of my concerns.

• Dough I knead all this bread? No, but I’ll eat it anyway.

• His jokes are a bit stale.

• Crust me, this bread is the best.

• You sure know how to get a rise out of me.

• You’re a rye-it!

• I wanted to add one more pun here, but I’ve got muffin.

To keep the laughs going, check out these clever jokes that will make you sound smart.

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Bread jokes

• What did the loaf of bread say in her political speech?
  “We can rise up and dough it together.”

• Why did the slice of bread break up with his girlfriend?
  He felt he deserved butter.

• How did the baker get electrocuted?
  He stepped on a scone, and a currant shot up his leg.

• What did the baguette say when the psychic gave her a reading?
  “You bread my mind.”

• What did the day-old muffin say to the doughnut?
  “I’m feeling pretty crumb-y today.”

• Why was the actor so excited for lunch?
  He heard there were some really great rolls.

• What did the baker say as she punched and pulled the loaf?
  “I’ll get a rise out of you!”

• What did the employee of the bagel shop yell to the customer?
  “Your order is bready!”

• What do French bakers do when their ovens break down?
  Fix them with a croissant wrench.

• What did the small, round bread say to the big loaf?
  Muffin. He was scared out of his wheats.

• What did the unhappy customer write in a review of a bakery?
  “They always fail to rise to the occasion, and it costs too much dough.”

• Why did the brioche turn down a date with the bagel?
  He seemed uncrustworthy.

• What did the baker say to his staff after declaring bankruptcy?
  “It’s all loafer now.”

• What did the maid of honor say in her wedding toast?
  “I hope you will rise together for years to crumb.”

• What bread did the bakery sell when it was closed?
  Naan.

• Why was the croissant couple so happy?
  They had a little bun in the oven, and they knew he was bread to be egg-ceptional.

• Why did the boy eat his big brother’s breakfast?
  His brother had yelled, “Your toast!”

• Why should you never give a zombie a loaf of rye?
  They’re better off bread.

• What’s the cheapest type of bread?
  Pumpernickle.

• How do you ask a baker out on a date?
  Buy her flours.

When you’ve gotten a rise out of all of your pals with our bread puns, turn to these short jokes for big laughs.

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Baking puns

• Baking care of business.

• Don’t go baking my heart.

• Let’s bake the world a butter place.

• I only work here because I knead the dough.

• I’ll toast to that.

• We have so much to grain.

• Wheat need to talk.

• Baking is a whisk-y business.

• I knead you.

• We cannoli live once.

• Bakers are my favorite people—they’re pretty dough-pe.

• Are you feeling OK? You looked a little stale.

• Keep baking! We’re on a roll.

• I’m the baking of the kitchen.

• Some of these puns should get at yeast a little rise out of you.

• This is just how I roll.

• Stop and smell the flours.

• You’re the apple of my pie.

• Bready or not, here I come.

• Early to bread, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

• The best time to make bread is at unleavened o’clock.

For the perfect pairing, match these bread puns with some fancy cheese and funny wine puns we heard through the grapevine.

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Bread one-liners

• People think bakers are unhealthy, but I’m all about fitness—want to see me fitness whole cupcake in my mouth?

• Storm Troopers defending Princess Lye-a set their guns to bun.

• Glad to see you woke up on the right side of the bread this morning.

• The most sophisticated bread is always the upper crust.

• Radical bakers are always going against the whole grain.

• The baker didn’t understand why the banker always wanted to pump’er nickel.

• The kitchen plans were going a-rye.

• The chef’s assistant asked for a rolling pin but was told not to be so kneady.

• The boxer ordered his favorite lunch again: a knuckle sandwich.

• You made the bread you wanted, so why are you so sour, dough?

• I don’t know if she’ll bake me bread, but chiabatta.

• I said I loved the cobbler even though it was totally crumb-y!

• The baguette always ended her texts with LOL: loaf out loud.

• The brioche always replied to texts with ROFL: rolling on the flour, loafing.

• I don’t like the direction this bakery is taking—let’s rye it.

• These jokes are sure to cracker up.

• I was going to give you a call but focaccia number.

• Did you know the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is filled with breadwinners?

• Rye do you always have to make a big deal out of everything bagels?

• I knew I loved you when you caught my rye and brought me flours.

• I hate rising early; I’d much rather stay in bread.

• If you want to make a baker blush, compliment his hot cross buns.

If these bread puns made you chuckle, then these food puns will have you hungry for more.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.