Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain?
A: Pil-grimace.
Jokes
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Thanksgiving Grammar
Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
A: Pilgrammar.
Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary?
A: Pilgrammar.
Turkey Toys
Q: What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?
A:Â Gobbleheads.
Q: What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus?
A:Â Gobbleheads.
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Bad Turkey
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
Q: What was the turkey suspected of?
A: Fowl play.
Stuffed Turkey
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Q: What's the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Turkey Phone
Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
Smelling Dinner
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Thanksgiving Attire
Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST.
Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST.
Southern Thanksgiving
Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A:Â Pump kin!
Q: How do Rednecks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A:Â Pump kin!
Thanksgiving and Halloween
Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.
Q: What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common?
A: One has gobblers, the other goblins.
No Parents Allowed
Q: What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents?
A: Friendsgiving.
Q: What do you call a holiday dinner without the parents?
A: Friendsgiving.
Math Pie
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Sporty Pumpkin
Q: What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
A: Squash
Q: What is a pumpkin's favorite sport?
A: Squash
Thankful for being human
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
Little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
Thankful for Turkey
Knock Knock.
Who There?
Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving for what?
Thanks giving us this turkey.
Knock Knock.
Who There?
Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving for what?
Thanks giving us this turkey.
Award-winning
Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field.
Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field.
Cheesy
Q. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
A. There was nothing left but de Brie.
Q. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
A. There was nothing left but de Brie.
I do
Q. Our wedding was so beautiful ...
A. Even the cake was in tiers.
Q. Our wedding was so beautiful ...
A. Even the cake was in tiers.
Fall meets winter
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
Lunch food
Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.
A. They're the wurst.
Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.
A. They're the wurst.
Shoe time
Q. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
A. I don't think they'll fit me.
Q. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
A. I don't think they'll fit me.
Swimming
Q. Is this pool safe for diving?
A. It deep ends.
Q. Is this pool safe for diving?
A. It deep ends.
Changing of the seasons
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May
Ahoy!
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
History lessons
Q. I'm reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can't seem to put it down.
Q. I'm reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can't seem to put it down.
Behind bars
Q. If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?
A. CELLphies
Q. If prisoners could take their own mugshots what would they be called?
A. CELLphies
Signed, Sealed, Delivered
Q. How do vampires start their letters?
A. "Tomb it may concern..."
Q. How do vampires start their letters?
A. "Tomb it may concern..."
Write On
Q. What's a writing utensil's favorite place to go on vacation?
A. Pencil-vania!
Q. What's a writing utensil's favorite place to go on vacation?
A. Pencil-vania!
It’s a Phase
Q. How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair?
A. Eclipse it!
Q. How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair?
A. Eclipse it!
Frozen Accounts
Q. Where do polar bears keep their money?
A. In a snow bank!
Q. Where do polar bears keep their money?
A. In a snow bank!
Prehistoric Humor
Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A. Because chickens didn't exist yet!
Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A. Because chickens didn't exist yet!
Tardy Broom
Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. It overswept!
Q. Why was the broom late for school?
A. It overswept!
Funny Fowl
Q. What do you call a duck that loves making jokes?
A. A wise-quacker!
Q. What do you call a duck that loves making jokes?
A. A wise-quacker!
Hand in Hand
Q. What did the finger say to the thumb?
A. I'm in glove with you!
Q. What did the finger say to the thumb?
A. I'm in glove with you!
Pickle Pun
Q. What did one pickle say to the other pickle who wouldn't stop complaining?
A. "Dill with it."
Q. What did one pickle say to the other pickle who wouldn't stop complaining?
A. "Dill with it."
Blast Off
Q. What's really fast, loud, and tastes good with salsa?
A. A rocket chip!
Q. What's really fast, loud, and tastes good with salsa?
A. A rocket chip!
Teddy Bears
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A: Because they're always stuffed.
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A: Because they're always stuffed.
Toilet Talk
Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed.
Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed.
2:30 Dentist
Q: What's the best time to go to the dentist?
A:Â Tooth hurty.
Q: What's the best time to go to the dentist?
A:Â Tooth hurty.
Burger Dance
Q: Where do beef burgers go to dance?
A: The meatball.
Q: Where do beef burgers go to dance?
A: The meatball.
Duck Feathers
Q: Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
A:Â The outside.
Q: Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
A:Â The outside.
Old VWs
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
A: The old Volks home.
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?
A: The old Volks home.
Dog and Phone
Q: What do a dog and a phone have in common?
A: They both have collar ID.
Q: What do a dog and a phone have in common?
A: They both have collar ID.
Traffic Light Talk
Q: What did the red light say to the green light?
A: Don't look, I'm changing.
Q: What did the red light say to the green light?
A: Don't look, I'm changing.
Beaten Up Dino
Q: What do you call a T-Rex that's been beaten up?
A: Dino-sore.
Q: What do you call a T-Rex that's been beaten up?
A: Dino-sore.
Accidental Murder
Q: What did the axe murderer say to the judge?
A: It was an axe-ident.
Q: What did the axe murderer say to the judge?
A: It was an axe-ident.
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Mustang Price
Q: How much does a Mustang cost?
A: More than you can af-Ford.
Q: How much does a Mustang cost?
A: More than you can af-Ford.
Policeman Jokes
Q: What did the policeman say to his belly button?
A: You're under a vest.
Q: What did the policeman say to his belly button?
A: You're under a vest.
Halloween Tricks
Q: What do you call someone who plays tricks on Halloween?
A:Â Prankenstein.
Q: What do you call someone who plays tricks on Halloween?
A:Â Prankenstein.
Nose or Foot?
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it'd be a foot.
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it'd be a foot.
Baby Monkey
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A chimp off the old block.
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A chimp off the old block.
Baking Pig
Q:Â Why did the pig get hired by the restaurant?
A: He was really good at bacon.
Q:Â Why did the pig get hired by the restaurant?
A: He was really good at bacon.
Anxious Dino
Q: What do you call anxious dinosaurs?
A: Nervous Rex.
Q: What do you call anxious dinosaurs?
A: Nervous Rex.
Fisherman Magic
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.
Space Computer
Q: What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?
A: The space bar.
Q: What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?
A: The space bar.
Dough for the Poor
Q: Why did the poor man sell yeast?
A: To raise some dough.
Q: Why did the poor man sell yeast?
A: To raise some dough.
Wire Who?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wire.
Wire who?
Wire you always asking ‘who’s there’?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wire.
Wire who?
Wire you always asking ‘who’s there’?
Abe Who?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Abe.
Abe who?
Abe CDEFJH...
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Abe.
Abe who?
Abe CDEFJH...
Ken Who?
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Ken
Ken who?
Ken I come in? It's cold out here.
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Ken
Ken who?
Ken I come in? It's cold out here.
Witch Who?
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Witch.
Witch who?
Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Witch.
Witch who?
Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?
Eysore Who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Eysore
Eysore who?
Eysore do love you!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Eysore
Eysore who?
Eysore do love you!
Leaf Who?
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Leaf
Leaf Who?
Leaf Me Alone!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Leaf
Leaf Who?
Leaf Me Alone!
Radio Who?
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio not, here I come!
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio not, here I come!
Cargo Who?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
Car go beep, beep!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
Car go beep, beep!
Amarillo Man
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Amarillo
Amarillo who?
Amarillo nice guy!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Amarillo
Amarillo who?
Amarillo nice guy!
Funny Nun
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Nun
Nun who?
Nun of your business!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Nun
Nun who?
Nun of your business!
Posture Cat
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
Gym Kitty
Q: What did the gym coach say to the cat?
A: Have you paid your annual fleas?
Q: What did the gym coach say to the cat?
A: Have you paid your annual fleas?
An Enlightening Riddle
Q. I weigh nothing, but you can still see me. If you put me in a bucket, I make the bucket lighter. What am I?
A. A hole!
Source: Brainzilla
Q. I weigh nothing, but you can still see me. If you put me in a bucket, I make the bucket lighter. What am I?
A. A hole!
Source: Brainzilla
Oh, “Ai” Get It!
Q. I am a word that begins with the letter I. If you add the letter A to me, I become a new word with a different meaning, but that sounds exactly the same. What word am I?
A. Isle (add A to make "Aisle")
Q. I am a word that begins with the letter I. If you add the letter A to me, I become a new word with a different meaning, but that...
The Deadly Rooms
Q. A prisoner is forced to go into one of three rooms, but he can choose which room. The first room is ablaze with fire. The second one is rigged with explosives that will go off as soon as he enters. The third contains a pair of lions who haven't eaten in years. Which room should he choose to survive?
A. The third room—any lions who hadn't eaten in years would be dead!
Source: Twenty Two Words
Q. A prisoner is forced to go into one of three rooms, but he can choose which room. The first room is ablaze with fire. The second one is rigged...
It’s a Ruff Job
Q. How do dog catchers get paid?
A. By the pound!
Q. How do dog catchers get paid?
A. By the pound!
Window-Washing Whoopsie
Q. A man is washing windows on the 25th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, he slips and falls. He has nothing to cushion his fall, and no safety equipment—but he doesn't get hurt. How is this possible?
A. He's washing windows inside the building.
Source: Twenty Two Words
Q. A man is washing windows on the 25th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, he slips and falls. He has nothing to cushion his fall, and no safety equipment—but...