Q: Why should you sit in a corner when you get cold?
A: Because most corners are 90 degrees.
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
Q: Why should you sit in a corner when you get cold?
A: Because most corners are 90 degrees.
Q: Why should you sit in a corner when you get cold?
A: Because most corners are 90 degrees.
The new draftee refused to march with his squad. Instead, he rode his invisible motorcycle beside them while making motorcycle noises. After a few weeks of this and several psychiatric exams, he was given a discharge. He rode his Hog to the main gate, propped it up on its invisible stand and walked out. "Hey," called the gate guard. "You forgot your bike."
"No," replied the draftee, "I'm leaving it for the next guy who wants to get out."
A police officer in a small town stopped a driver speeding down the main street. The driver said he could explain why he was speeding, but the police officer said he was going to put him in jail until the Chief got back, but lucky for the driver that the chief will be in a good mood because he is at his daughter's wedding. The driver said, "Don't count on it. I'm the groom."
A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. The guy says as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry. "Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday."
Q: Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A: A sheet cake.
Q: Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A: A sheet cake.
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
Why do cows never have any money?
Because the farmers milk them dry!
The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big "S" on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he's flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch. As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, " Look at that S-Car-Go!"
A blind guy goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, "Who wrote this garbage!?!?"
A blind guy goes to the Passover Seder and someone passes him a piece of matzah. He runs his fingers over it and loudly exclaims, "Who wrote this garbage!?!?"
My memory is getting so bad, I asked the pharmacist, "Do you have any Acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it! I can never remember that word."
My memory is getting so bad, I asked the pharmacist, "Do you have any Acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it! I can never remember that word."
The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.
The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.
A rancher was persuaded to cross-breed his cattle with hyenas. It was a disaster. The offspring were the laughing stock of the community!
A rancher was persuaded to cross-breed his cattle with hyenas. It was a disaster. The offspring were the laughing stock of the community!
Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
A: An Investigator!
Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
A: An Investigator!
Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A: "Dam!"
Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A: "Dam!"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because he was poultry in motion.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because he was poultry in motion.
Q. How can you make God laugh?
A. Tell him your plans.
Q. How can you make God laugh?
A. Tell him your plans.