Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
Sweeter Than Salad
Pour You Another Glass?
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‘I’m Stuffed!’
A Scientist’s Recipe for Apple Pie
A Traditional Holiday
Too Much Turkey?
What You Email Address Says About You
Facebook Love
Winning Numbers
One Wish
Your Move
Funny Research
Good Genes?
A Delicious Mistake
Good Qualities
A Sign From Above
Good News
One and Only
Love and Learning
Sales Opportunity
Replacements
New Technology
Young Help
Water
In Training
Stop the Presses
Is the Client Always Right?
Too Short
Serious Infection
In the Band
New Cars
In the Clear
Twitter Addiction
Proud Mom
What's IQ Got to Do With It?
Unusual Changes
For the Mrs?
Money Troubles
Gift Exchange
Mature Fun
Dangerous Name
A Quiet Group
In Memoriam
What Cats Want
Out With the New
Painfully Funny Obituaries
Lost Dog
The Right Diagnosis
A Believer
Check Please!
A Glitch
Relaxing Location
Proper Pronunciation
The Test
Not so Helpful
First Draft
I didn't enlist in the Army -- I was drafted. So I wasn't going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"
"What letters?" I answered slyly.
"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
Ms. Black Thumb
Fitness Questionnaire
Liquid Ban
Big Issues
Our priest asked how things were going with my father. "Well, he has issues," I replied, then shared a few details.
After listening, he said, "Issues? Sounds like he's got a year's subscription."
Drug Dealer?
My brother delivered prescriptions to people too ill to go out. Since the neighborhoods he visited were often unsafe, he decided to get some protection.
"Why do you need a pistol?" asked the clerk at the gun shop.
My brother had to explain, "I deliver drugs at night and carry a lot of money."
Funny E-Mail
Some people have a knack for remembering faces. Others, according to this e-mail I received at work, go them one better: "The only designated smoking area at Building One is at the picnic benches, under the covered area, where the butt distinguishers are."
Dogs Are People Too!
The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It's human nature."
Got Change?
Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a twenty.
"Do you have six cents?" she asked.
"Sorry," I said after fishing around my pockets, "I have no cents."
"Finally," she muttered, "a man who can admit it."
What's That Smell?
For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with lavender-scented detergent. When my husband got into bed, he sniffed. "What's this?" he asked.
"Guess," I said coyly.
"I have no idea," he said. "It smells like the stuff you use to line the hamster's cage."
Drive-Thru
Baseball Junkie
One day we were watching a game, when my mother-in-law shrieked from the kitchen, "Jim, there's a horsefly in here!"
Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back, "Give it some cough syrup."
'Til Death Do Us Part
I suppose it speaks volumes about the state of my marriage when I admit to nodding knowingly at a remark made by a colleague.
She was telling me about the death of another co-worker's spouse, when she commented, "How sad. They'd been married only five years, so I imagine she still loved him."
Hair Today…
Our first stop as new recruits was the barber's.
"Want to keep your sideburns?" he asked.
"Yes, that would be great," I said.
"Okay, I'll get you a bag to put them in."
Pardon My French
"Who here speaks French?" demanded our sergeant. Three guys raised their hands. "Good," he said. "You get to clean the latrine. That's a French word."
Birds and the Bees
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently.
After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust."You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer."