We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said. “It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll...
Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
Projecting Happiness
One hard thing to explain to teens is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector.
@juliussharpe
One hard thing to explain to teens is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector.
@juliussharpe
G-d Hates B.S.
Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,” he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.’”
Barbara Geerts, Davenport, Iowa
Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,”...
Get more jokes, puns and riddles
SEE ALL CATEGORIES
"You Need a Shorter Password."
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.
“It’s taped under the modem,”
I told him.
After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”
Sharon McGinley, Talbott, Tennessee
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked,...
A Thanksgiving Problem
When I trace a turkey, it comes out looking exactly like my hand.
@ConanOBrien
When I trace a turkey, it comes out looking exactly like my hand.
@ConanOBrien
Who's the Real Turkey?
What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have
in common?
They know what it’s like to be stuffed and then jammed into
a small place.
What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have
in common?
They know what it’s like to be stuffed and then jammed into
a small place.
More Idiotic Job Applicant Blunders
We’ve been over this before:
Stupid doesn’t play well on job interviews. Hiring managers wish these
job seekers had gotten the memo.
• Applicant acted out a Star Trek role.
• Applicant asked for a hug.
• Applicant popped out his teeth when discussing dental benefits.
• Applicant crashed her car into
the building.
From CareerBuilder’s 2014 Interview Blunders Survey
We’ve been over this before: Stupid doesn’t play well on job interviews. Hiring managers wish these job seekers had gotten the memo. • Applicant acted out a Star Trek role....
Virginal Word Choice
The topic of my student’s essay was the importance of trust, camaraderie, and toughness among football
players. “After all,” he wrote, “you don’t want a bunch of pre-Madonnas out there on the field.”
Michele Metcalf, Louisville, Kentucky
The topic of my student’s essay was the importance of trust, camaraderie, and toughness among football players. “After all,” he wrote, “you don’t want a bunch of pre-Madonnas out there...
Bad Soldier Mistakes
It’s important that soldiers
learn from their mistakes; otherwise, they’re bound to repeat them at
inopportune moments. Here soldiers share what they’ve gleaned from
past gaffes:
• “I was cold” is not a sufficient
reason for being caught in the female barracks.
• Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics.
• Do not conduct live fire exercises at the general’s (unattended) jeep, even if it’s parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone.
• Do not attempt to shave with fire.
• Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks
so the general won’t have any questions during the inspection.
From skippyslist.com
It’s important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, they’re bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Here soldiers share what they’ve gleaned from past gaffes: • “I was cold”...
spel chekers
On Facebook, the English
language has few friends.
Three examples:
Post: I can’t stand people
that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb.
Response: Their, their, calm down.
Post: Is it me or does nobody have manors these days?
Response: I just have a normal house.
Post: I do not have patients for stupid today.
Response: Patience.
Source: studentbeans.com, lamebook.com
On Facebook, the English language has few friends. Three examples: Post: I can’t stand people that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb. Response: Their, their,...
Toddler Wisdom
Events had left my son-in-
law’s sister feeling sad, and she started tearing up. Luckily, our
two-year-old grandson was nearby
to dispense words of wisdom.
“Don’t cry,” he said. “Sometimes
batteries die and toys break.”
Perry Finkelman, West Hempstead, New York
Events had left my son-in-law’s sister feeling sad, and she started tearing up. Luckily, our two-year-old grandson was nearby to dispense words of wisdom. “Don’t cry,” he said. “Sometimes batteries...
What Does DUMB Stand For?
While serving jury duty,
I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one
point, he picked up a piece of
evidence and asked his client, who was on the witness stand, “I see
an acronym on this receipt. What
would CAR stand for?”
The defendant replied, “Car.”
Kristi Boerner, Fleming, Colorado
While serving jury duty, I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one point, he picked up a piece of evidence and asked his client, who was...
Doing The Man Dance
If you’ve seen me impatiently standing in line, then you’ve seen
me dancing at a concert.
@SammyRhodes
If you’ve seen me impatiently standing in line, then you’ve seen
me dancing at a concert.
@SammyRhodes
The One About The Stand-in Gorilla
When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to don
a costume and act like an ape
until the zoo can get another one.
In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across a partition and atop the
lion’s cage, infuriating the animal. But the actor stays in character—until he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, “Help! Help me!” Too late. The lion pounces, opens
its massive jaws, and whispers, “Shut up! Do you want to get
us both fired?!”
When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to don a costume and act like an ape until the zoo can get another one. In the cage, the...
One Way To Foil Fridge Thieves
The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.”
We’ll skip over the details and
go straight to the signature:
“Love, Constipated-Dog Owner.”
Source: someecards.com
The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.” We’ll skip over the details and...
Vitamin D(imwit)
Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a bottle of vitamins.
Coworker #2: What’s that?
Coworker #1: Vitamin D.
Coworker #2: Why do you take that?
Coworker #1: Because we live in Ohio, and we never see the sun.
Coworker #2: Wait a minute … they make a vitamin that gives you a tan?
Sally Churley, Cortland, Ohio
Scene: Our break room. Coworker #1 pulls out a bottle of vitamins. Coworker #2: What’s that? Coworker #1: Vitamin D. Coworker #2: Why do you take that? Coworker #1: Because...
Urine Trouble Now
An irate patient called our
pathology group, demanding that
I explain every lab test on her statement. “Of course,” I said. I brought up her bill: “Number one, urinalysis …”
She interrupted me: “I’m a what?!”
—From gcfl.net
An irate patient called our pathology group, demanding that I explain every lab test on her statement. “Of course,” I said. I brought up her bill: “Number one, urinalysis …”...
Sweet and LOL
When my customer ordered
iced tea, I asked, “Sweetened or
unsweetened?”
Her answer: “What’s the difference?”
Ruth Anne Pluckhorn, Moorestown, New Jersey
When my customer ordered
iced tea, I asked, “Sweetened or
unsweetened?”
Her answer: “What’s the difference?”
Ruth Anne Pluckhorn, Moorestown, New Jersey
The Maximum-Security Bathroom
If a company’s most valuable
resource is its people, how come
the employees aren’t locked up,
but the toilet paper is in a
reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted to the stall?
Mark Severin, from humorlabs.com
If a company’s most valuable resource is its people, how come the employees aren’t locked up, but the toilet paper is in a reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted...
Militant Roaches
I’m convinced my cockroaches have military training. I set out a roach bomb—they defused it.
—Comedian Jay London
I’m convinced my cockroaches have military training. I set out a roach bomb—they defused it.
—Comedian Jay London
Bad Soup
The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress.
“This soup is awful,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”
submitted by reader J. M.
The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. “This soup is awful,” I said. “I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”...
Family Loopholes
To get my cousin to write to
her even once, my aunt resorted to
sending him a check with this note: “Do not cash until you write me a thank-you.” A few weeks later, the check had cleared, yet no message had arrived. So she called him.
“I told you not to cash the check until you’d written to thank me,” she complained.
“I didn’t cash the check,” he said. “I deposited it.”
Mark Forman, Berkeley Heights, New Jersey
To get my cousin to write to her even once, my aunt resorted to sending him a check with this note: “Do not cash until you write me a thank-you.”...
A Watched Pot Never Boils…
A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid.
Lesley Wake
A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid.
Lesley Wake
Yahoo Questions
Yahoo Questions that will Destroy Your Faith in Humanity....
“Can I safely look at a picture of the sun?”
“How can I be sure I’m the real mom of my kid?”
“How do you get spaghetti stains out of underwear?”
Source: buzzfeed.com
Yahoo Questions that will Destroy Your Faith in Humanity…. “Can I safely look at a picture of the sun?” “How can I be sure I’m the real mom of my...
If Truth Be Beauty…
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?
Lily Tomlin
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?
Lily Tomlin
If You Can't Beat 'Em…
If you can’t beat them, arrange
to have them beaten.
George Carlin
If you can’t beat them, arrange
to have them beaten.
George Carlin
10-Pin Puns
I recently stumbled upon
my favorite new sports team. It’s
a woman’s bowling squad called
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.
Jacqueline Tessman,
Benton Harbor, Michigan
I recently stumbled upon
my favorite new sports team. It’s
a woman’s bowling squad called
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.
Jacqueline Tessman,
Benton Harbor, Michigan
Where There's A Will…
Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
Ricky Gervais
Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
Ricky Gervais
Barbershop Blunders
The barbershop was crowded,
so the woman at the cash register
offered to put my name on the
waiting list. “What is it?” she asked.
“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: “Pheven?”
Stephen Hudson, Falmouth, Maine
The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list. “What is it?” she asked. “Stephen, with a P-H,” I...
It's A Small World…
I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”
Brock Cohen
I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”
Brock Cohen
A Penny Saved…
A penny saved is a penny that will sit around in a jar for five years.
@Keatingthomas
A penny saved is a penny that will sit around in a jar for five years.
@Keatingthomas
How Many Tech-Support People…
Q: How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have? OK. There could be four or five things wrong. Now, have you turned the light switch off and on?
Q: How many tech-support folks does it take to change a light-bulb? A: We have a light-bulb here, and it works fine. Can you tell me what kind of bulb...
How Many Economists…
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: None. If the light-bulb needed changing, the market would have already done it.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: None. If the light-bulb needed changing, the market would have already done it.
How Many Teenagers…
Q: How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Whatever.
Q: How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Whatever.
How Many Telemarketers…
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do
it while you’re eating dinner.
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do
it while you’re eating dinner.
Redneck Movie Quotes
Famous film quotes get the
redneck treatment:
• “You had me at ‘Sooooey!’”
• “Use the horse, Luke.”
• “Are you crying? There’s no crying in NASCAR!”
• “Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her
’68 Rambler into mine.”
From humorlabs.com
Famous film quotes get the redneck treatment: • “You had me at ‘Sooooey!’” • “Use the horse, Luke.” • “Are you crying? There’s no crying in NASCAR!” • “Of all...
Tech-No-Limits
Can a 3-D printer make ink
cartridges for a 2-D printer?
Comedian Joe Mande
Can a 3-D printer make ink
cartridges for a 2-D printer?
Comedian Joe Mande
The Other Mortal Coils
I told the kids I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from
a bottle. So they unplugged my
computer and threw out my wine.
Submitted by Beverly McLaughlin,
Burnsville, Minnesota
I told the kids I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. So they unplugged my computer and threw out...
Names For Groups You Never Knew
A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese … and here’s how we might classify these groups:
• A brat of boys
• A giggle of girls
• A stagger of drunks
• A tedium of accountants
• A stitch of doctors
• A whine of losers
• A jerk of politicians
A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese … and here’s how we might classify these groups: • A brat of boys • A giggle of girls • A stagger...
Iced to Eat You
Happy One-year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
@SCbchbum
Happy One-year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
@SCbchbum
Wax On, Mouth Off
Karate: the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.
Comedian Myq Kaplan
Karate: the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.
Comedian Myq Kaplan
The End Is Nigh-er Than You Thought
A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up
a sign that reads “The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!”
A passing driver yells, “You guys are nuts!” and speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires—then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, “Do you think we should just put up a sign that says ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”
A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up a sign that reads “The end is near! Turn around now before it’s too late!”...
The Perpetual Pizza Pun-Off
A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Here’s what they came up with:
•Semper Pie
•The Lasting Supper
•In-dough-structible
•Pizza de Resistance
•DeFrigNo!
•Auld Lang Slice
•Eternal Piece
•Grandpapa John’s Pizza
A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable...
I Never Feel More…
I never feel more privileged
than when I get angry about a website design.
Comedian Kelly Oxford
I never feel more privileged
than when I get angry about a website design.
Comedian Kelly Oxford
Before LinkedIn…
Before LinkedIn, I didn’t know any strangers.
@Joshmalina
Before LinkedIn, I didn’t know any strangers.
@Joshmalina
A Method to His Mitchness
The late comedian Mitch
Hedberg said that he would write jokes by sitting around his hotel room thinking of things that cracked him up. “Then I go get a pen, and
I write it down,” he said. “Or, if the pen’s too far away, I convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.”
The late comedian Mitch Hedberg said that he would write jokes by sitting around his hotel room thinking of things that cracked him up. “Then I go get a pen,...
Behind The Newsprint
Working for a news organization is a tough job, as these world-weary tweets suggest:
• News reporter: “The computer erased all the apostrophes in my story. Apparently I’m too possessive.”
• Copy editor, as group of Cub Scouts gets a tour: “There it is, ‘Scared Straight: Newsroom Edition.’”
• Producer: “Free food in the
newsroom is like oxygen masks on an airplane. You get yours first, then
you inform others.”
Source: overheardinthenewsroom.com
Working for a news organization is a tough job, as these world-weary tweets suggest: • News reporter: “The computer erased all the apostrophes in my story. Apparently I’m too possessive.”...
No Emergency Exits, Thanks
The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped
forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I
explained, “The last time someone
gave me wings, I had to jump
out of the airplane.”
Col. David Jessop (Ret.),
Rineyville, Kentucky
The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Pointing to the...
Skip To The Good Part, Please
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.
@juliussharpe
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.
@juliussharpe
Store Hours Are Never
Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the East Coast trying to return their shoes. Even worse, they end up wanting to speak to my supervisor because I “don’t sound professional enough.”
From fmylife.com
Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I’ve been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the...
LOLHumans.com
I bet cats have
a secret website where they
upload clips of cute humans
trying to open DVD packaging
and jump-start
cars.
@rolldiggity
I bet cats have
a secret website where they
upload clips of cute humans
trying to open DVD packaging
and jump-start
cars.
@rolldiggity
Fools Brush In
“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire asked.
“It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby,” said the first manager.
“Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers,” said the second manager.
“Well, I’ve been cleaning toilets with it,” said the first manager.
“Um, I’m putting in for a new brush,” said the second manager.
From notalwaysworking.com
“So what’s that brush for?” the new hire asked. “It’s used to clean toilet bowls in the lobby,” said the first manager. “Actually, it’s for scrubbing deep fryers,” said the...
Hunter, Gatherer, Manager?
I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs died out when they stopped gathering food and started having meetings to discuss gathering food.
From meetingboy.com
I’m pretty sure the dinosaurs died out when they stopped gathering food and started having meetings to discuss gathering food.
From meetingboy.com
My New Power
I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need painkillers after a major surgery. His response: “This time, your evil superpowers came in handy.”
Patricia Speilburg, Port Huron, Michigan
I bragged to my boss that I didn’t need painkillers after a major surgery. His response: “This time, your evil superpowers came in handy.”
Patricia Speilburg, Port Huron, Michigan
Did You Feel It?
I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my left breast.
Debbie Skolnik, Scarsdale, New York
I discovered that I’d spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store’s “Feel the Comfort” sticker stuck to my body. More humiliating? It was attached to my...
We Don’t Even Want to Know
File These Headlines Under: We Don't Even Want to Know.
•Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker
•FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant
•Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
•Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby
Sources: Ottawa Citizen (Canada), ctpost.com, Associated Press, Toronto Sun
File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know. •Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker •FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant •Missing Woman...
Quip To Complete Purchase
I used to find buying books from Amazon slow and inconvenient, until one day the
receptionist suggested
I use their website.
Peter Serafinowicz
I used to find buying books from Amazon slow and inconvenient, until one day the
receptionist suggested
I use their website.
Peter Serafinowicz
Killing Time Online
The only people who don’t click Skip on ads before YouTube videos are people who died during that ad.
@Damienfahey
The only people who don’t click Skip on ads before YouTube videos are people who died during that ad.
@Damienfahey
Every Marriage Needs A Spin Doctor
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my
advantage. I take that as a compliment.
Submitted by reader D. T.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my
advantage. I take that as a compliment.
Submitted by reader D. T.
Bored Elon Musk
The parody Twitter account
@boredElonMusk figured that if
Musk could cofound PayPal and also develop the Tesla electric automobile, he might invent these next:
• A TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing.
• An indoor trash bin that keeps
getting taller until someone finally decides to take the garbage out.
• Eye-tracking software that will not allow you to share a link on Twitter or Facebook until you’ve read 70 percent of the article.
The parody Twitter account @boredElonMusk figured that if Musk could cofound PayPal and also develop the Tesla electric automobile, he might invent these next: • A TV that gets louder...
That's What I Call 'Force Quit'
I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.
Comedian Dan Burt
I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.
Comedian Dan Burt
Control Freak
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Control Freak.
Con—
Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Control Freak.
Con—
Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"
The Airborne Obnoxious Event
“Ohhh, bless you … Bless you … Riiiight. Because you’re special air.” —A burp to a sneeze
Comedian Andrew Hibbard
“Ohhh, bless you … Bless you … Riiiight. Because you’re special air.” —A burp to a sneeze
Comedian Andrew Hibbard
The Only Qualification…
The only qualification for working at an airline is making
a confused face at a monitor.
Comedian Julius Sharpe
The only qualification for working at an airline is making
a confused face at a monitor.
Comedian Julius Sharpe
King Soloman Jr.
We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my Sunday school class. An illustration showed King Solomon ordering a child to be cut in half, as one woman sobbed and another watched uncaringly.
Pointing to the heartless woman, a young boy said, “I hope she ends up with the part that has the butt on it.”
Evelyn Wieland, Bay City, Michigan
We were reading The Wisdom of King Solomon in my Sunday school class. An illustration showed King Solomon ordering a child to be cut in half, as one woman sobbed...
Jimmy Fallon Asked For Embarrassing Texts From Moms…
I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” autocorrected to “You’re adopted.”
@StefenColalillo
On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the best time to
abbreviate, Mom.
@HollyLouHarris
My mom once texted me “can you come over, I want you to take a selfie of me.”
@stefaniLegs
I once got a text from my mom where “You’re amazing” autocorrected to “You’re adopted.” @StefenColalillo On Valentine’s Day last year, my mom texted me, “Enjoy your VD.” Not the...
What's a Hipster?
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin.
“Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.”
“Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked.
—Eyesha Sadiq, Woodland, California
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.” “Is...
Strain in The Mass
Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older woman.
Woman: My! You have the most beautiful skin.
Me: Oh, thank you.
Woman: If I were younger, I’d hate you.
From notalwaysfriendly.com
Scene: Sunday mass. I turned to greet an older woman. Woman: My! You have the most beautiful skin. Me: Oh, thank you. Woman: If I were younger, I’d hate you....
Alphabet Soup or Salad?
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.
“Maybe the list is alphabetical,”
I offered.
So he started searching from the bottom of the list: “Q … Q … Q …”
Charity McTarsney, Deltona, Florida
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. “Maybe the list is alphabetical,” I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of...
Catch and Retweet
Give a man a fish, and he’ll
Instagram it; teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.
@hipstermermaid
Give a man a fish, and he’ll
Instagram it; teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.
@hipstermermaid
Popular NSA Pick-Up Lines
“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.”
@Normwilner
“I’d tap that.”
@SanaSaeed
“I know exactly where you have been all my life.”
@Adonish_P
From #NSAPickUpLines
“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.” @Normwilner “I’d tap that.” @SanaSaeed “I know exactly where you have been all...
I Invented a New Word:
plagiarism.
Submitted by M. R.
plagiarism.
Submitted by M. R.
Drumming Up A Reason
A man vacations on a tropical
island, and the first thing he hears
is drums. He goes to the beach
and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums. Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs.
“No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.”
“Why?”
“When the drums stop, the bass solo begins.”
A man vacations on a tropical island, and the first thing he hears is drums. He goes to the beach and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the...