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Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
Why Did the Gym Close?
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
No Offense Taken
The skeleton literally didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
The skeleton literally didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
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“Come on, I’m a Fungi.”
Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.
Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible.
Sour Grapes
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
Floating Away
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He couldn't put it down!
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He couldn't put it down!
I Have an Okay Ceiling
My ceiling isn’t the best… But it’s up there!!!
My ceiling isn’t the best… But it’s up there!!!
Lumberjacks
Q: Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
A: They're LUMBARjacks!
Q: Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
A: They're LUMBARjacks!
Trees on the Internet
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
Good Tidings We Bring
What did the beach say when the tide came in? ... Long time no sea.
What did the beach say when the tide came in? ... Long time no sea.
Just Relax
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin!
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin!
Embarrassed Tomato
Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.
Jazz Hands
The skeleton played a melodic solo riff on his shiny sax-a-bone.
The skeleton played a melodic solo riff on his shiny sax-a-bone.
Doctor’s Orders
Did you hear about the skeleton that dropped out of medical school? He just didn't have the stomach for it.
Did you hear about the skeleton that dropped out of medical school? He just didn't have the stomach for it.
I Ate a Watch
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Speedy Travel
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Escar-DONT-go
Q: Why do French people eat snails?
A: Because they won't touch fast food.
Q: Why do French people eat snails?
A: Because they won't touch fast food.
Lonely Hearts
The skeleton cried his eyes out because he didn't have any body to love.
The skeleton cried his eyes out because he didn't have any body to love.
Negative Nancy
Atom 1: "I think I've lost an electron."
Atom 2: "Are you sure?"
Atom 1: "I'm positive."
Atom 1: "I think I've lost an electron."
Atom 2: "Are you sure?"
Atom 1: "I'm positive."
Storytelling Cats
Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.
Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.
Sitting by the Fire
Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
A: He became bone dry
Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
A: He became bone dry
Sea Creature
Q: What do you call a monster with no neck?
A: The Lost Neck Monster.
Q: What do you call a monster with no neck?
A: The Lost Neck Monster.
Answer Me!
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.
Cleaning the Spice Rack
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.
When Life Gives You Melons…
Q: What do you do when life gives you melons?
A: See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.
Q: What do you do when life gives you melons?
A: See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.
Noisy Cemeteries
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I dunno. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I dunno. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Chinese Vandalism
Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized? It was an act of wonton destruction.
Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized? It was an act of wonton destruction.
The Skeleton Detective
Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones
Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones
A Pack of Prying Peppers
Q: What does a nosy pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeño business.
Q: What does a nosy pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeño business.
Best Time of the Day
6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
Lost Luggage
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Mode, Median, And…
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
Lacking Courage
I wanted to tell a skeleton pun, but I don't have the guts for it.
I wanted to tell a skeleton pun, but I don't have the guts for it.
Buried Alive
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
Potluck BBQ
That skeleton sure brought his appetite to the picnic—and also some spare ribs.
That skeleton sure brought his appetite to the picnic—and also some spare ribs.
Neutral Territory
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Running With the Cars
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Maid Service
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Spyghetti
Q: What do you call a dishonest noodle?
A: An Impasta.
Q: What do you call a dishonest noodle?
A: An Impasta.
Weather Or Not, Here I Come
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
A: TWISTER
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
A: TWISTER
Technologically Advanced
The skeleton didn't like to talk on the rotary skelephone—he preferred his cell bone.
The skeleton didn't like to talk on the rotary skelephone—he preferred his cell bone.
The Death of Boiling Water
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Ice, Ice Baby
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed
Zen Master Visits the Dentist
Why did the Zen master refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Why did the Zen master refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Couch Potato
Skeletons love to binge-watch their favorite shows on the skelevision.
Skeletons love to binge-watch their favorite shows on the skelevision.
Surprise!
Q: What did their parents say when they heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going to get married?
A: OMg
Q: What did their parents say when they heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going to get married?
A: OMg
Sticks Float
Sticks float. They would.
Sticks float. They would.
Scaredy-Cat
The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm—he just didn't have any guts.
The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm—he just didn't have any guts.
Eskimos in a Kayak
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank — proving once and for all that you can’t have your...
Time for Church
Every Sunday, the skeleton plays his organ for the congregation.
Every Sunday, the skeleton plays his organ for the congregation.
At Least You Chemis-Tried
Once I told a Chemistry joke. There was no Reaction.
Once I told a Chemistry joke. There was no Reaction.
You Can Eat Anything, Except the Smoked Salmon
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world's first anti-lox breaks.
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world’s...
Perfect recipe
Q: What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
A: "Bone Appetit!"
Q: What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
A: "Bone Appetit!"
Ships, Ahoy!
Q: What happened to the pirate ship that sank in the sea full of sharks?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew!
Q: What happened to the pirate ship that sank in the sea full of sharks?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew!
He Has a Point
Q: What would you call a funny element?
A: He he he (helium helium helium)
Q: What would you call a funny element?
A: He he he (helium helium helium)
Short in Stature
The favored historical ruler of skeletons is none other than Napoleon Bone-a-part.
The favored historical ruler of skeletons is none other than Napoleon Bone-a-part.
Made You Laugh
Skeletons are great at stand-up comedy—when they use their funny bone.
Skeletons are great at stand-up comedy—when they use their funny bone.
Time for Tea
Skeletons serve tea and coffee on bone china—watch out for chips!
Skeletons serve tea and coffee on bone china—watch out for chips!
Skeleton Dance Dilemma
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: He had no body to dance with!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: He had no body to dance with!
Camouflage Trousers
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Elementary Fun
Q: How often do you like jokes about elements?
A: Periodically
Q: How often do you like jokes about elements?
A: Periodically
Licensed to Fly
The favorite mode of travel for skeleton pilots is—wait for it—the scareplane or the skelecopter.
The favorite mode of travel for skeleton pilots is—wait for it—the scareplane or the skelecopter.
Cannibals and Clowns
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
A Skeleton’s Favorite Instrument
The one instrument that the skeleton can play better than others is the trom-bone.
The one instrument that the skeleton can play better than others is the trom-bone.
Paper Factory Life
I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold.
I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold.
I Meant Well
Last week I called someone a watering hole but I meant well.
Last week I called someone a watering hole but I meant well.
Skeleton School
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Werewolf Junior
Q: Â Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A: Â Now stop talking about that and brush your face!
Q: Â Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A: Â Now stop talking about that and brush your face!
A Vampire’s Nightcap
Q: Â What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A:  Let’s stop in for a cool one!
Q: Â What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A:  Let’s stop in for a cool one!
Sickly Vampire
Q: Â How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A: Â By his deep loud coffin!
Q: Â How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A: Â By his deep loud coffin!
The Skeleton Gourmand
Q: Â What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Â Bone Appetit!
Q: Â What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Â Bone Appetit!
Thirsty Vampire
Q: Â Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: Â He was caught drinking on the job!
Q: Â Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: Â He was caught drinking on the job!
Angry Vampire
Q:  What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A: Â A Tourniquet!
Q:  What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A: Â A Tourniquet!