Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
This Diet’s Just Not Working
I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Sales Binge
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It’s a Love/Hate Relationship
Friends From Afar
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Dear Diet…
The Second Day Is Always the Hardest
Stages of Dieting
The Best Diet Plans…
Sorry to Eat and Run
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.
Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea?
A: A salad shooter.
Snacking Dilemma
Mission Impossible
Salad: A Dieting Staple
Nothing to See Here
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody's looking.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody's looking.
Losing Everything but the Weight
Taste the Rainbow
Apocalyptic
Q: What do vegan zombies eat?
A: GggRrrAaaIiiNnSsss!
Q: What do vegan zombies eat?
A: GggRrrAaaIiiNnSsss!
A serious medical condition
Christmas Reads
Fondue for You
Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?
A: If you need to cheddar few pounds.
Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?
A: If you need to cheddar few pounds.
Sugar-Free
Q: What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.
Q: What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.
I’ll Take Two
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.
Reindeer Spotting
Christmas Tree Songs
Time to Eat
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: He went back four seconds.
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: He went back four seconds.
Twelve Days of Christmas Mayhem
Santa Snacks
Christmas Alphabet
You Are What You Eat
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
Bad Grades for Rudolph
Snowman Senses
No Animal Testing
Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn't been tested on mice.
Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?
A: It hasn't been tested on mice.
Catching Snowflakes
Attempted Atheist
Read the Label
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
Dancing Snowmen
Elf Birthday
It’s Gluten-y Good
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!
Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!
Snowmen Greetings
Frosty’s Cow
Snowman Breakfast
Caveman Diet
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!
Elf Cars
Scrooge Touchdown
I Have No Beef With You
Santa’s Helpers
Santa Speak
Reindeer Jokes
Thankful Milk
Christmas Wedding
Now Minerals Feel Left Out
I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Car Jack
Poor Holiday
Holiday Math
Can’t Catch a Break
Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: "Poor hunter!"
Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?
A: "Poor hunter!"
Pie Eaters
You Can’t Forget That Face
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I've never met herbivore.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I've never met herbivore.
Too Much Drinking
TV Reading
Lottery Winner
Walking Snowman
Protein Plus
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?
Failed Snowman Marriage
Addicted to Christmas
File This Under Second Thoughts
“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”
“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”