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Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
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Birthday Cake Visit
Q: Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist?
A: Because it was feeling crumby.
Stuffed Bear
Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?
A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
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Coffee Lovers Birthday
Q: What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover?
A: Choco-latte.
Always Getting Older
Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age.
Obvious Birthday Joke
Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Cake with Candles
Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Try taking the candles off.
Cat Birthday
Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
A: Mice cream and cake.
Who Turned Out the Lights?
A burglar stole all the lamps in my house. I know I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted.
Moby Dick Birthday
Q: How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
A: He had a whale of a time.
Bald Man Birthday
Q: What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
A: Thanks, I'll never part with it.
Too Much of a Good Thing
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Birthdays in Heaven
Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake.
Pickle Birthday
Q: How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
A: They relish the moment.
Pirate Birthday
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye, matey!
Cat Birthday
Q: Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
A: From a cat-alogue.
Birthday Toast
I always feel warm on my birthday because people don't stop toasting me.
Ouch
For a man to truly understand rejection… he must first be ignored by a cat.
Hide and seek
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted.
Play that song!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
Brrr!
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Rise and Shine!
What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
Guilty!
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
Poker Face
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Lost for Words
I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.
Sure About That?
So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
Humor On (Power)Point
Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.
Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Person 2: Word.
The Write Stuff
Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written.
(Credit: justbadpuns.com)
Weight and See
Q. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
Not-So-Comic Timing
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
That’s Deep
All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up.
(Credit: justbadpuns.com)
A Seal-y Riddle
Q. What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?
A. An envelope.
Pachyderm Problems?
I gave my friend an elephant to put in his room.
He said, "Thanks."
I said, "Don't mention it."
Gettin’ Pricey
Q: If love is "grand," what is divorce?
A: A hundred grand, or more.
Love Is Blind… Until…
Q: Whats the difference between love and marriage?
A: Love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener!
Go Away, Come Back!
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
Don’t Have a Bird
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Can’t Imagine Why…
People always tell me I'm condescending.
(That means talking down to people.)
Give Peas a Chance
Q. What do you call a round, green vegetable that breaks out of prison?
A. An escapea.
This Joke’s In Tents
Q. Why can't you run through a campground?
A. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
(Credit: @punnstagram)
Thief!
What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crookodile
Maybee I Will, Maybee I Won’t
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe
HiYa!
What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork chop
I’ll Take Mine to Go
Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet?
A: You can get thinner there.
You’ll LOVE This One
Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He'll dessert you.
Melon Friends
Q: What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe?
A: You're one in a melon
Greasy Love
Don't go bacon my heart.
I couldn't if I fried.
Good looking pineapple
If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple
Tomato love
I love you from my head tomatoes
Dinosaur car crash
Q: What do you get when two dinosaurs crash their cars?
A: T-Rex
Door frog
Q: What job did the frog have at the hotel?
A: Bellhop
Karate pig
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: Pork chop
Everyday potato
Q: What do you call an everyday potato?
A: A commentator
Baby alien
Q: How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
A: You rocket
Crocodile Crime
Q: What do you call a thieving crocodile?
A: A crookodile
Lazy kangaroo
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A: A pouch potato
Volcano love
Q: What did the volcano say to his wife?
A: I lava you
Magician Owl
Q: What do you call and owl that does magic tricks?
A: Hoodini
Sick banana
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: It wasn't peeling well
Fancy fish
Q: What do you call a classy fish?
A: Sofishticated
Toothless bear
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: Gummybear
Culturally Significant
Q. Why does yogurt love going to museums?
A. Because it's cultured.
Jungle cat race
Are you a cheetah?
No, you lion!
Space party
Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet
Don’t become a vegetarian
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
Gator Mystery
Q: What do you call and alligator in a vest?
A: An investigator
Cloud Undies
Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
A: Thunderwear
How Low Can You Go?
I tell people I'm on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.
Stephen Colbert
He Was Spacing Out
Q. Did you hear the one about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
A. He got stuck in Orbit.
The Truth is Out
Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of "in" is.
(Credit: justbadpuns.com)
Off-Color Eaters
Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
She heard you could get thinner there.
What’s Your Beef?
“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”
Vegan Insult
Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?
A: "Bad hunter!"
