Q. Name the next letter in this sequence: J F M A M J J A S O N ? A. D. The sequence contains the first letter of every...
Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
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Magic Number
Q. How do you make the number one disappear?
A. Add the letter G and then presto—it's Gone!
I Ship It
Q. What type of ship has two mates but no captain?
A. A relationship.
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Odd Indeed
Q. I'm an odd number. If you take away one of the letters in my name, I become even. What number am I?
A. Seven. (Take away the S!)
A Tall Tale
Q. A girl fell off of a 30-foot ladder, but she didn't get hurt at all. How is this possible?
A. She fell off the bottom step!
Just Like Magic
Q. A magician promises that he can throw a ball as hard as he can and have it stop, change direction, and come back to him. He claims he can...
Apples 2 Apples
Q. There are three apples on a table and you take away two of them. How many apples do you have now?
A. Two, of course!
Count the Days
Q. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words "Wednesday," "Friday," or "Sunday"?
A. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Buckle Down
Q. Why was the belt sent to jail?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!
Thinking Pink
Q. There’s a one-story house where everything inside is pink: pink walls, pink doors, pink floors, pink ceilings, pink windows, pink curtains, pink chairs, and pink tables. What color are...
Tell This One Out Loud!
Q. One (k)night, a king and a queen went into a castle. There was no one in the castle when they went in, and no one else entered the castle...
Weather Money
Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
A: Because she expected some change in the weather.
Horse vs Rain
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
Foggy LA
Q: What happens when fog lifts in California?
A: UCLA!
Thermometer Love
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
A: You make my temperature rise.
Tornado Cow
Q: Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado?
A: Udder disaster!
Lightning Love
Q: What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
Lazy Weather
Q: What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up?
A: Fog!
Sport Strike
Q: What type of lightning likes to play sports?
A: Ball lightning!
Weather Underwear
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
A: Thunderwear!
Hurricane Vision
Q: How do hurricanes see?
A: With one eye!
World stamp
Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.
Thumb World Traveler
I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb.
Traveling Librarian
Q:Â Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?
A: Because it was overbooked.
Travel riddle
Q: What goes through towns, up hills, and down hills but never moves?
A: The road!
Bad Driver
I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my satnav said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."
Time travelers
We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
Cross-Track Team
I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
Airport carpool
My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.
Bacon in space
When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!
Old and new travels
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
Red Bite, Green Bite
Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
Lead Astray
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Never mind, it’s pointless.
You’re Not Wrong…
ER DOCTOR: So, what brings you here?
PATIENT: An ambulance! What do you think?!
(Credit BestLife)
Right On the Money
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you—hand over the cash!
Howlin’ For You
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Howl.
Howl who?
Howl you know if you don't open the door?
Pancakes for Peter Cottontail
Q. What's the Easter Bunny's favorite restaurant?
A. IHOP!
Lost Balloons Never Bothered Her Anyway
Q: Â Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?
A. Because she'll let it go!
Get a Buzz Cut?
Q. Why is a bee's hair always sticky?
A. Because it uses a honey comb!
I Don’t Boo-lieve You
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A. Because you can see right through them!
Burning calories
I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Took a day off
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
What Day Is It Again?
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
Whoops, Can’t Remember
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
Sad Job
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
Go Nuts
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts.
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Don’t Go Anywhere, Mouse
Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
A: To keep an eye on the mouse!
Fashionista Kitty
Q: Why did the cat wear a dress?
A: She was feline fine.
Too Poor
Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: I'm paw!
Let’s go shopping!
Q: Why don't cats like online shopping?
A: They prefer a cat-alogue.
Mount Meow
Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?
A: AÂ meowntain
Cracking Up
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.
(Credit Southern Living)
Doesn’t Add Up
Q: How are relationships a lot like algebra?
A: Sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
(Credit Southern Living)
Running of the Bulldogs
Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?
A: A Bulldog.
Bones in Trees?
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can't bury them in trees!
Marine Dog
Q: How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?
A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Chilly Chilly
Q: What do you call a cold dog?
A: A Chilli Dog.
Dirty Dog
Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?
A: A dusky husky!
Sheepdog and Jelly
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?
A: The collie wobbles!
Horse Dog
Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn't stop talking like a horse?
A: It was a dog and pony show.
Trusty Dog
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A: A friend you can count on.
Bones Bones Bones
Q: What did the skeleton say to the puppy?
A: Bonappetite
Frozen Pup
Q: What do you call a frozen dog?
A: A pupsicle.
Pros and Cons Chart
Q: Why did the dog need help on his Pros and Cons chart?
A: He was CON-fused!
Namaste Pooch
Q: What do you call a large dog that meditates?
A: Aware wolf.
Dog and Bee
Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee?
A: A Greyhound Buzz.
Cross Breed
Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
A: Dingo Starr!
Caller I.D.
Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common?
A: They both have collar I.D.
Golden Retriever
Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A: A golden receiver!
Fleas
Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Dracula’s Dog
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound!
Cats Aren’t Winners
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Parking Lot Dog
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the "barking" lot!
