Wondering what words you shouldn't start a sentence with? Don't undermine your message, or your relationships, with these instant conversation killers.
12 Common Phrases You Should Never Start a Sentence With
Updated Jul. 31, 2024
Why some words should never be used to start a sentence
“Watermelon is one of my favorite foods to eat, and I love that it’s also really healthy for you,” I said to some friends at a recent gathering. I didn’t think this was a controversial statement, and I’d just written an article about it, for which I’d interviewed experts and read studies on the fruit. (Oh, yes, there are watermelon researchers! What a fun job, right?) Still, one acquaintance interrupted to “correct” me, starting his sentence with: “Well, actually …” I immediately bristled. His opening put me off and made me not want to listen to whatever came next. What words can you not start a sentence with—unless you want people to react negatively? Thanks to my nearly 20 years as an etiquette expert and health journalist, I know that’s one of them and that he was wrong.
“What a condescending and dismissive thing to say,” said etiquette expert Jan Goss, author of Protocol Power, when I told her. “What he was actually saying was: ‘I’m right, and you’re wrong.’” She explained my reaction made sense because although his words were grammatically correct, using them to start a sentence goes against etiquette rules for polite conversation and comes across as rude. That prickly reaction I experienced probably feels familiar to you too, because certain phrases signal something upsetting is coming next, according to University of Kansas journalism professor Lisa McLendon, PhD, author of The Perfect English Grammar Workbook. “People use these intros as a way to try to soften something, but it usually has the opposite effect, as most people are wise to it,” she says. It’s a “polite” habit people secretly dislike.
With the help of Goss, McLendon and two other etiquette experts, I’ll help you navigate these conversational land mines and avoid some serious etiquette faux pas. Read on to find out exactly which words you shouldn’t start a sentence with—and what you should say instead.
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“With all due respect …”
This common phrase is at the top of the list of things you shouldn’t say if you want to get a positive reaction. “Speakers and writers need to be aware that ‘With all due respect’ usually precedes something disrespectful,” McLendon explains. People try to use these modifying phrases as a sort of “get out of jail free” card by preventing the other person from feeling bad or disrespected, Goss adds, but it doesn’t work that way. “Actions speak louder than words,” she says. “Instead of stating respect, show respect.” Learn polite habits and “act in a respectful way every time you communicate with others.”
“You always …”
Starting a sentence with “You always” or “You never” is not only factually incorrect—people are not automatons—but it will immediately put the other person on the defensive. “These phrases will escalate conflict and make it much harder to communicate,” Goss says. Even when used in a positive way, a compliment such as “You’re always so kind” can come across as disingenuous.
In terms of what words can you not start a sentence with, drop adverbs that relate to frequency. Instead of “You always forget to take out the trash,” you should instead say, “I noticed that you forgot to take out the trash this morning. Busy day?” Or instead of “You’re always so kind,” say something like “You are so kind to me—thank you. It really means a lot.” It may seem nitpicky, but these little tweaks can have a big impact on how your message is received by others, McLendon says.
“To be honest …”
FBI profilers know that when people start a sentence with some commonly used phrases including “To tell you the truth,” “Honestly” and “Can I be honest?” it can be a red flag that whatever comes next isn’t going to be honest. That’s because people who are honest don’t usually feel the need to announce it, McLendon says. These phrases can make people wonder: Are you just now starting to tell the truth? Was everything you previously stated a big old lie?
This applies in your personal life and at work. “When we add a preface, or we feel we need to add something after we’ve made a statement, it could appear as not credible,” says business etiquette expert Julie Blais Comeau, author of Etiquette: Confidence & Credibility. “Take ownership of what you’re saying. Just state it, instead of adding an introduction or an afterthought.”
“No offense …”
The minute the person you’re talking to hears these words, they are going to brace themselves for an insult. If you find yourself wanting to engage in this bad conversation habit, pause and think about why you’re considering saying anything that you think the listener may be offended by. “Most people will get a little pang of conscience before they say something rude, so they’ll add a preface like this—but that doesn’t make it not rude,” Goss says.
If you do need to deliver a criticism or some feedback that might be hard to hear, follow these guidelines: First, do it in private. Then, frame it with an “I” statement, says Jephtha Tausig, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. “Try something like ‘I’m concerned about this because …’ and then explain why,” she says. Another gentle approach: “Would you be open to some feedback?”
“Well, actually …”
I’m going to nominate “Well, actually …” as one of the most annoying phrases in the English language. Put it on your list of words you can’t start a sentence with and stick to it, because this sentence-opener turns you into a condescending over-explainer in only two words. Your listener hears: “I’m right, and you’re wrong.”
Try a gentler phrase instead for talking to people you disagree with. “It’s more productive to say something like, ‘From what I understand,’ or ‘From the information I have,'” says Tausig. “That leaves the door open for the other person to add to what you say, or even agree with you.”
“This may sound stupid …”
The problem with self-deprecating statements like this is that your listener may very well believe you. You likely don’t think that what you’re going to say is actually stupid (or else why are you saying it?), but now you’ve planted that seed in their minds from the get-go, Goss says. Once you’ve introduced a negative quality like “stupid” or “wrong,” you can’t take it back. You may sound like you’re lacking confidence or are too polite (yes, there is such a thing!), especially if you use a phrase like this in a work setting.
“It can also come across as manipulative or passive-aggressive,” Goss adds, by seeming like false modesty or that you’re slyly mocking a co-worker’s idea. Either way, Comeau says, “everyone else in the meeting will be trying to stop themselves from rolling their eyes.” Go ahead and ask your question or make your statement without an intro that undercuts you and what you’re about to say.
“You should …”
This phrase and its siblings “If I were you …” and “Have you tried …” often precede unsolicited advice, not to mention give off a condescending vibe. “You are saying you know better,” says Tausig. “It makes it seem like the other person is not entitled to their own perspective or emotions, that theirs are less legitimate than yours.”
A better approach is to simply listen without commenting. If you do have some advice that you think might be helpful, ask if it’s OK to share it. If you get permission, start with a more understanding phrase, like “You may have already explored this” or “Everyone is different, but something surprising that worked for me was …”
“I’m not racist, but …”
“‘Not to be racist, but …’ pretty much guarantees that what follows is racist,” McLendon says. The problem with this type of preface is that the word but negates the I’m not clause. That’s never a good way to start (or continue) a conversation. If you’re tempted to go this route, take a breath and think twice about what you’re about to say. Is it really going to add to the discussion in a positive way? If this is something you find yourself saying often, you may want to explore your own thought process and avoid racist expressions.
“I think …”
Hold on! What’s wrong with sharing your opinion? Usually nothing, but starting a sentence this way can make you sound weak in certain contexts. It’s very natural to begin a statement with “I think,” and in social settings, it’s fine, Goss says. The time it becomes a problem is at work, Comeau says, because “it’s not very persuasive.” Do you think, or do you know? Since you probably don’t mean “I’m not sure” in this case, Comeau recommends a preface in business scenarios such as “I believe,” “I’m certain that” or “Based on my experience” instead.
“I know just how you feel …”
“Leading with empathy is great, but you can’t know exactly how someone else is feeling because you’re not them,” Goss says. “This also risks making the conversation about you instead of what they are going through.” In regular situations it can come across as insensitive, but to a person who is grieving, it is one of the worst ways to start a sentence. This is true even if you have been through a similar experience.
“An open-ended approach is usually better,” says Tausig. “You might say, ‘Would you like to talk?’ so that they can respond with as much or as little as they wish to say.” If they decline to talk about their grief, offer a specific invitation such as: “I’d love to help you winterize your garden” or “I’m going to a concert next Friday. Would you like to join me?” Provide support by checking in after a little time has passed, when others have come and gone.
“As I previously stated …”
Ouch. Hostile much? Use this one and you’ll sound like you’re passive-aggressively calling someone out for not listening, Goss says. This one is also a common email etiquette mistake in workplace situations. In addition, if you’re not trying to draw attention to someone’s forgetfulness, you may sound like you’re trying to lay claim to an idea or a thought—but again, in an unnecessarily aggressive way. You certainly deserve credit for your good suggestions, and you deserve to have a respectful audience that’s paying attention … but there are more gentle ways to call attention to something that you’ve said prior. “Try changing the ‘I’ to a ‘we,’ as in ‘As we discussed,’” Goss suggests. Another option? “I still think that X is a good idea.”
“Just …”
As in “Just so you know,” “You could just …” or even “I just want to know …” Sure, it may sound like an obscure etiquette rule, but just say no to just! “These phrases are really invalidating,” says Tausig. They communicate an attitude of “I’m about to drop a bomb that doesn’t take your feelings into account.” It’s less confrontational to use a phrase such as “I would like to know,” says Comeau. Skip the “just”-ifying and get right to the point!
“The golden rule of communication is clarity,” Goss says. “Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do it with kindness. Then, you can’t go wrong.”
Additional reporting by Catherine Holecko.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experience where appropriate. For this piece on what words you cannot start a sentence with, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Lisa McLendon, PhD, William Allen White professor of journalism and mass communications at the University of Kansas, expert in linguistics and author of The Perfect English Grammar Workbook; email interview, July 16, 2024
- Jan Goss, CEO and founder of Show Up Well Consulting and author of Protocol Power; phone interview, July 17, 2024
- Julie Blais Comeau, business etiquette expert, executive coach and author of Etiquette: Confidence & Credibility; interview, February 2020
- Jephtha Tausig, PhD, clinical psychologist in New York City; interview, February 2020
- FBI: “Evaluating Truthfulness and Detecting Deception”
Originally Published: February 19, 2020
