122 School Jokes That Won’t Land You in Detention

As a high school teacher, I appreciate what school jokes can do in the classroom. They lighten the mood and help me accomplish one of my main teaching goals: keeping the kids awake. I’m also a comedy writer, so I appreciate a good zinger in school, at home and pretty much everywhere else—which is probably why my own kids have grown into teenage class clowns. My son’s kindergarten teacher once sent a note home explaining how our son sometimes tried so hard to get his friends to laugh that he missed the lessons. I admit that I’ve told my kids and my students that things can be a lot more fun if you toss some good jokes around the schoolyard.

With that in mind, I’ve rounded up the best school jokes this side of the playground. These short jokes for students are the kind of funny that’ll make them crack up … but won’t land them in detention. If you’re a teacher trying to get some laughs (guilty!) or a parent looking to raise a little class clown, not a juvenile delinquent, you’d do well to check these school jokes out.

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The best school jokes

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• Why did the chickens cross the school playground?
  To get to the other slide.

• Did you hear about the teacher who is also a Texas Ranger?
  His name is Chalk Norris.

• What time does Godzilla come to class?
  Whenever he wants.

• Where do they keep the books in a farm’s library?
  In the haystacks.

• Why was the student always late to cooking school?
  Because he mistakenly set his alarm crock.

• Why is magic class the hardest to pass?
  All of the tests have trick questions.

• What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the janitor’s closet?
  “Supplies!”

• What’s an English teacher’s favorite dinosaur?
  Thesaurus rex.

• When does a teacher have to practice losing his job?
  During a fired drill.

• Why do chemistry students tell the worst jokes?
  All the good jokes argon.

• What candy always makes the dean’s list?
  Smarties.

• Why can’t you take all of your acting classes at once?
  You have to take them in stages.

• Did you hear about the school mascot who won a lot of awards?
  He was really well suited for his job.

• Why didn’t the sun go to college?
  It already had a million degrees.

• Why is the library always the tallest part of any school?
  It has the most stories.

• Why did Gary bring an orange to prom?
  Because he couldn’t find a date.

• What do you do if your chemistry teacher is sick?
  If you can’t helium and you can’t curium, you may have to barium.

• Why did the student eat her exam?
  The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

• Why did the librarian remove the clock from the library?
  It was tocking too much.

• Why did the computer teacher quit?
  He lost his drive.

There’s nothing like going down a humor rabbit hole. So when you’ve had your fill of school jokes, laugh your way through these science jokes.

School puns

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• My weekend at the library is all booked!

• This school is first class.

• English class is lit!

• This isn’t a zoo, so don’t be a cheetah.

• Not all math is hard—just sum.

• You’ve got the write stuff.

• At this kindergarten, we’re growing human beans.

• Don’t be obtuse—that angle isn’t right.

• Teacher own!

• My teacher works from desk to dawn.

• Your new glasses really help with your specs appeal.

• It looks like the custodian fell asweep during class.

Want to crack up your history class with your wit and comedic delivery? These history jokes will get the job done.

School-appropriate jokes

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• What did the teacher say to the student who knew only 25 letters of the alphabet?
  “Do you know why?”

• How do Minecraft players celebrate graduation?
  They throw a block party.

• Why was the math book sad?
  Because it had so many problems.

• Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a car wreck?
  He was grading papers on a curve.

• When is a blue book not a blue book?
  When it has been read.

• What does a textbook do in the winter?
  Put on a jacket.

• Why was the blanket so confident before the test?
  It had the material covered.

• Why did the circle graduate early?
  It already had 360 degrees.

• How did the scientist keep his breath fresh?
  With experi-mints.

• What’s the longest word in the English language?
  Smiles—there is a mile between the first and last letters.

• What’s a snake’s favorite school subject?
  Hisstory.

• What did the cheerleader wear to the big school dance?
  Her prom proms.

• Where do students keep their homework in circus class?
  Three-ring binders.

• What do you call a teacher with no body and no nose?
  Nobody knows.

• Why do historians call it the Dark Ages?
  Because there were a lot of knights.

• Why did the prom committee stop buying helium balloons?
  The cost was rising.

• What book was the chemistry teacher reading?
  A book on helium—she couldn’t put it down.

• Why do protons make the best cheerleaders?
  They’re always so positive.

• Did you hear about the well-dressed pencil that went to the prom?
  Boy, did he look sharp.

These school jokes are guaranteed to give your class big belly laughs. But if your tummy is still aching for more puns, check out these unbearably funny bear puns.

Back-to-school jokes

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• What did the buffalo say to his child on the first day of school?
  Bison!

• Why was Kasie so prepared for her first day of math class?
  She had a calculator she could really count on.

• What did the pencil say to the pen on the first day of school?
  Looking sharp!

• Why didn’t the dinosaur want to go back to school?
  She was a nervous rex.

• Why did the student carry a ladder on the first day of school?
  She wanted to climb to the top of her class.

• Why was the ghost so excited for his first day of school?
  He had school spirit.

• What was the English teacher’s breakfast on the first day of school?
  Synonym rolls.

• How do students get summoned to the library on the first day of school?
  They get paged.

• What did the whiteboard say at the end of the first school day?
  “Phew! I’m wiped.”

• Why was the cafeteria clock behind on the first day of school?
  It kept going back four seconds.

• Why did the echo get detention on its first day of school?
  It kept answering back.

• What’s the easiest way to get straight A’s this year?
  Use a ruler.

• Why was the geometry teacher so tired after only the first day of school?
  He was out of shapes.

• How do astronomy professors organize a back-to-school party?
  They planet.

There’s nothing funny about ending summer vacation for a new school year … except maybe the wisecracks above. At the start of the year, you may want to break out the dark humor too.

Middle school jokes

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• Why can’t you trust atoms?
  They make up everything.

• How do the oceans say hello to one another?
  They wave.

• How do you talk to a giant?
  Use big words!

• Why can’t you trust stairs?
  They’re always up to something.

• Why can’t you depend on elevators?
  Because they always let you down.

• What’s red and orange and a disappointment?
  School pizza

• How many eighth graders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  It depends on how many sixth graders they can get to do it for them.

• Why didn’t the bicycle go to school?
  Because it was two-tired.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
  Eventually, he woke up.

• Why did the middle schooler bring a ladder to class?
  She wanted to get into high school.

• Why did the teacher write his lesson on the window?
  He wanted the information to be perfectly clear.

• Why did the pencils win the Best Dressed award at school?
  They always looked so sharp.

• Why do students love cooking class?
  The quizzes are a piece of cake.

• Where did both the music and geology teacher graduate from?
  The school of rock.

• Why did the student wear glasses to math class?
  He said it improved division.

• Why should you contribute to the cross-country team’s fundraiser?
  Your donation goes a long way.

• What’s an English teacher’s favorite animal?
  A spelling bee.

If you’ve made it this far, you’re undoubtedly a fan of jokes. So keep the laughter going with teen jokes that’ll crack up a tough crowd.

School jokes for kids

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• How long did it take the corn to get through seventh grade?
  Two ears.

• In what class do students count flying insects?
  Mothamatics.

• What do you call a school custodian who encourages the students?
  The head cheerladder.

• What did the philosophy student say to her pencil?
  “What’s the point?”

• What’s a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
  Pi.

• What did the front wall of the classroom say to the windows?
  I’m board.

• What do you call a bee that drives you home from school?
  A buzz driver.

• Why won’t the elephant use the computer at school?
  He’s afraid of the mouse.

• What vegetables do librarians love?
  Quiet peas!

• Why did the dog get detention?
  It forgot to eat its homework.

Celebrate back-to-school season with the best fall jokes around. You’re sure to crack up students and teachers alike.

School one-liners

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• I’m a big fan of the new track coach—I think he’ll go far.

• Using a broken pencil is just pointless.

• Bobby passed his geology test with flying colors because he totally rocks.

• Our new gymnastics coach has worked at five schools in the past four years—she really bounces around a lot.

• The new wrestling coach is respected by the team because he really goes to the mat for them.

• When algebra teachers retire, how do they cope with the aftermath?

• My science teacher shows up periodically.

• I failed my history test, but I’m just going to put the past behind me.

• My Spanish professor is nacho average teacher.

• You are unique—just like all of the other students.

• Never trust math teachers who use graph paper; they’re always plotting something.

• The culinary instructor is really cookin’ with gas.

• I gave my history teacher a gift, but he didn’t like the present.

• Using fractions instead of decimals is just pointless.

• My math teacher called me average—that’s so mean!

• I really wanted to get good grades this year, so I planted an apple tree in front of the school.

• My geometry project is really shaping up.

• My electrical engineering professor is a powerful speaker.

• Gym teachers have to be really on the ball.

• I hate when my genealogy teacher gives pop quizzes.

No matter how long (or short) you like your comedy, you can’t go wrong with these hilarious one-liners.

Funny school jokes

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Plagiarized paper

Noticing a paper was clearly plagiarized, I called the student into my office. Pointing to my computer screen, I said, “I found your entire paper online. Do you have anything you want to say about that?”

She pursed her lips and said, angrily, “Well, I paid my sister to write it, but I didn’t think she’d plagiarize!”

School sounds

A month after Duncan MacDougal started college, his mother called from Scotland. “And how are the American students?” she asked.

“They’re so noisy,” he complained. “One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night.”

She gasped. “How do you put up with it?”

“I just ignore them and keep playing my bagpipes.”

Flight training

An amateur pilot wannabe, I knew I’d finally made progress with my flight training the day my instructor turned to me and said, “Jimmy, you know, you’re not as much fun since you stopped screaming.”

Historical fiction

A history teacher wrapped up her lesson, then turned to the class. “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it,” she said. “Joey, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

Joey responded, “Because George still had the ax in his hand?”

Copy and paste

At a planning meeting for the new school year, I congratulated a colleague on producing some superb student guidance notes explaining how to combat plagiarism.

“How long did it take you to write them?” I asked.

“Not long,” he said. “I copied them from another university’s website.”

Questioning authority

During computer class, the teacher chastised a boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him.

“I was just asking her a question,” the boy said.

“If you have a question, ask me,” the teacher tersely replied.

“OK,” the student answered. “Do you want to go out with me Friday night?”

Grammatically correct

After explaining the alphabet, the teacher turned to her class. “Millie,” she said, “give me a sentence starting with I.”

Millie began, “I is—”

“No,” the teacher interrupted. “Always say, ‘I am.'”

“OK,” Millie said. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

Flat tire

Four students entered their community college’s classroom halfway through their U.S. history test.

“Sorry,” one of them said. “We had a flat tire.”

The professor told them that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an A on the exam. The students agreed, so the professor handed each a piece of paper, placed them in four separate corners and said, “Write down which tire was flat.”

Early wake-up

Early one morning, a mother shook her son awake. “Wake up, son,” she said. “It’s time for the first day of school.”

Her son mumbled. “I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go,” she said.

“Well,” he said, “for one, the kids hate me. And the teachers hate me too!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school,” she replied. “Go get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school,” he said.

“Well,” she said, “for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the principal.”

Living or dead

As an ice-breaker during student orientation, a professor asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”

One of the students thought it over, then answered, “The living one.”

Our list of school jokes may be over, but your comedy act is just heating up. Keep them chucking with more jokes for kids.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the past 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and jokes so bad they’re good. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this piece, Gary Rudoren tapped his experience as the co-author of the humor bible Comedy by the Numbers and a comedy writer whose work has appeared in McSweeney’s, the New York Times, Esquire and more. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.