From eating properly to walking down a flight of stairs, here's what it takes to follow the rules of British royal etiquette
20 Royal Etiquette Rules Everyone in the Monarchy Must Follow
Updated Aug. 08, 2024
Mind your royal manners
An inappropriate hat, a careless remark or simply the wrong sitting pose—any of them might just accidentally cause a royal family scandal! Being part of the British royal family comes with wealth and a lot of privileges, but it also means you have to religiously follow a huge number of rules whenever you’re out and about. There’s nothing worse for a member of the monarchy than to be caught violating royal etiquette.
“No matter if you were born into the royal family or married into it, it’s essential that the etiquette rules become your second nature,” says Laura Windsor, one of Britain’s most respected experts on royal manners and etiquette. “Therefore, everyone has to take royal etiquette lessons from the earliest possible time. The more practice you have, the more it all becomes natural.” But what exactly does the royal rule book entail? We asked Windsor and royal expert Richard Fitzwilliams to teach us the proper royal etiquette.
Read on to learn all the royal manners and etiquette rules that those in line for the British throne—and their families—have to memorize at all times.
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Slant your legs to the side when sitting
One of the worst things a woman in the royal family can do—as far as royal etiquette goes, anyway—is to sit with her legs crossed at the knee. Legs and knees must be kept together at all times, although crossing at the ankle is fine. Princess Kate has mastered the so-called “duchess slant,” an everyday pose that makes her look picture-perfect elegant, following the example of the late Princess Diana, who was known to sit the exact same way.
With this pose, there’s no chance you’ll accidentally flash anyone. Plus, “you slant your legs to the side because it makes you look taller and your legs slimmer,” Windsor says. And it’s not just about the look: “Crossing your legs could lead to varicose veins later in life,” she points out.
Enter the room in order of who’s next to rule
When the royal family is part of a procession or a major public event, they enter and are seated in the order of precedence, which is essentially the order of who’s next in line to the throne. “The current order is King Charles III and Queen Camilla, followed by the Prince and Princess of Wales, William and Kate, and their children, George, Louis and Charlotte. Then comes the rest of the family,” says Fitzwilliams. The exact order follows the line of succession from the royal family tree.
Make your curtsy subtle
Royal curtsies are all about showing respect to the most important people in the family. “Everyone has to curtsy or bow before King Charles and Queen Camilla,” Windsor says. “Harry and Meghan would have to do the same before Prince William and Princess Kate.”
The gesture doesn’t have to be lengthy and dramatic, though: “Aristocrats tend to be very theatrical when they meet the royals,” she says, “but that’s incorrect.”
According to protocol, the royals (or anybody else who’s meeting a royal) don’t need to bend all the way down the floor. Want to do it right? Simply put one leg behind the other, bend your knees and bow your head slightly.
Dress modestly
The royals have a knack for being fashionable. Princess Diana’s style was functional but classy, one that many women still copy today. The late Queen Elizabeth II famously wore neon outfits on many occasions so she would stand out in a crowd and so her subjects could see her. Princess Kate loves both color and different patterns and textures. And all three women have one thing in common: They always look elegant and perfectly dressed but within the confines of royal fashion protocol.
Fitzwilliams sums up the royal dress code rule for women’s fashion: “The outfit has to be modest, elegant and appropriate for the occasion, and it should never distract from the royal’s role or risk causing a scandal or public debate,” he says. As a consequence, the rules for a princess include covering up cleavage to avoid giving paparazzi the chance for a compromising photo—something Princess Diana was famous for. She’d use her clutch as a cover when exiting cars.
Wear a tiara only if you are married
Very formal royal events, also known as white-tie events, call for tiaras. However, it’s not up to the ladies to sport whatever glittery headwear they fancy—there are specific royal etiquette rules to follow when it comes to the British crown jewels. “Tiaras are only for married women,” Windsor says. It’s common for princesses and duchesses to wear one for the first time in public the day they get married, giving them the perfect princess look we all adore.
Tiaras are passed down the family line, Windsor adds, so once you’ve received yours, there’s no more swapping around—you’ll keep what you have as a lifelong loan. Princess Kate, for example, has three tiaras to choose from.
Don’t compete with other members of the family
Sibling rivalry or competition among “common” families is fairly normal—but when it happens in the royal household, things have to be kept behind closed doors. “Royals are not supposed to be competitive,” Fitzwilliams says. He says this applies to the royal diaries (in other words, their schedule): If one royal has an important event, others will avoid scheduling public outings for the same day or the day after so they don’t steal the limelight. It also goes for the choice of wardrobe, so there’s “no clash with dresses,” he says.
But Fitzwilliams admits it’s an open secret that Prince Harry and Meghan “don’t abide by that rule.” Harry spilled the royal tea in his autobiography, Spare, but they have flouted the rules in more subtle ways as well. For example, their pal, Argentinian polo player Nacho Figueras, promoted Meghan’s lifestyle product (a jam from her American Riviera Orchards collection) on his Instagram Stories just before Princess Kate returned to public life following her cancer diagnosis at Trooping the Colour on June 15, 2024.
Hold the knife in your right and the fork in your left hand
You may not put much thought into how you cut your food, but the royal family takes dining etiquette very seriously. Their royal eating habits include holding their knife in their right palm and fork in their left with the tines facing down. Windsor describes the perfect way to eat in line with British royal family etiquette: “When using knife and fork, you pierce, cut and push the food on it. When you put it in your mouth, the cutlery goes down in a crisscross.”
An important thing to note about lowering your utensils: The fork always goes over the knife, and there’s a serious reason for this. “In the Middle Ages, the knife wasn’t just used as a utensil but also as a weapon,” Windsor says. “So if the fork was on top, people could be sure you wouldn’t kill anyone at the table.”
Walk with your chin up and brush your knees slightly
It’s part of the royal manners and etiquette rule book to always be graceful, including when moving around. “The royals’ walking style can be described as the knee-brush deportment,” explains Windsor. “As you walk, you brush your knees slightly to ensure you walk with your legs close together, as it helps you move elegantly and in a straight line. Your head is parallel to the ground, your rib cage up and your shoulders back.”
To make sure every royal masters the art of graceful movement, the training is part of the mandatory royal etiquette lessons. Windsor reveals what new members of the family can expect: “One way to practice it is by walking around with books on your head,” she says.
Cup one hand on top of the other when standing
As a working royal, you also spend quite some time standing, so you want to make sure you look elegant when doing so. As Windsor tells us, there’s a small but effective trick that the Princess of Wales regularly uses. “When Kate stands or talks to people, she tends to cup one hand on top of the other at waist height,” she says. “This does not only make her look graceful but, at the same time, helps her not to fidget. A lot of people have difficulty not knowing where to put their hands, so this pose elegantly solves the issue.”
Cupping one hand on top of the other also works when walking slowly. Win-win!
Always look up when descending stairs
Men in the royal family should hold out a helping hand when their spouses go down a flight of stairs, especially at formal events, according to British royal family etiquette. And for the ladies, it’s all about looking elegant. “The No. 1 rule is to keep your head parallel to the ground and always look up. If there’s a banister, it’s important to not grip it, as it gives the impression that you’re frightened. Instead, the royals just glide the hand over the banister, which looks very elegant,” states Windsor.
According to Windsor, it’s also common practice to point royal toes towards the banister on stairs. This is mainly done because many stairs are quite narrow, and you want to make sure you don’t trip.
Don’t accept expensive gifts
Royal family perks include often being showered with gifts, but that doesn’t mean they’re allowed to keep them all. In fact, receiving presents during the course of their royal duties is everything but straightforward. There’s a complicated set of rules regarding what they are and are not allowed to accept. “Simply put, gifts must not be worth more than 150 pounds [approximately $194], otherwise they have to be officially registered,” Fitzwilliams says. Gifts the royals receive in connection with their official duties are not their private property but become part of the Royal Collection, and they’re often put on public display for everyone to enjoy.
The good news is that the flower bouquets, stuffed animals and toys the royals often get from fans don’t cause any trouble or violate any royal family rules. So if you ever bump into any member of the firm, you’re safe to surprise them with a little something.
Look into your teacup while sipping
The royals love their tea time, so it’s especially important that they hold their cups correctly. Windsor knows the way to master the royal etiquette: “You pinch the handle with your thumb and index finger, so they meet in the middle rather than looping through the handle,” she says. “Every time you drink, you look into the cup to show control and make sure the tea doesn’t go all over. Kate does this very well.”
What if you’re drinking coffee? Then loop your index finger through the handle. And when in doubt, no pinkies out! That’s a myth about the royal family—it’s too pretentious, even for them.
Skip the shellfish
This is a royal tradition that the monarchy has followed for ages. It has nothing to do with whether royals like shellfish; instead, it has a rather practical purpose: to avoid food poisoning. After all, they wouldn’t want to be bedridden for days and miss out on important engagements. “The rule applies when eating out or abroad for safety reasons,” Fitzwilliams says. So perhaps they indulge when off duty or on vacation.
Leave the table without a fuss
If royals need to use the restroom during a meal, they don’t announce their intentions. They simply say “Excuse me” and leave it at that. “When they get up, they cross their knife and fork so waitstaff know they’ll continue to eat when they come back,” Windsor says. When finished with the meal, the royals place utensils at an angle, putting the handles at the bottom right of the plate (like 4:20 on a clock).
Another important thing for royals to keep in mind when getting up: “The napkin goes on the seat, never on the armrest or on the table,” Windsor says. This is done in case the napkin is dirty, so those sitting nearby won’t notice.
Stop eating when the monarch does
The reigning monarch, now King Charles III, gets to set the pace at every meal. As soon as he takes his last bite and puts down his fork, everyone else has to follow his lead, whether or not they’re full. But what if the monarch is known to be an unusually fast eater? This was the case with Charles’s mother, Windsor points. “Queen Elizabeth II was known to eat very quickly,” she says, “but when she was in company, she slowed down so everyone could enjoy and finish their meals.” How considerate!
Queen Victoria, apparently, was less accommodating: “She didn’t realize people couldn’t keep up with her pace, so they were often in the middle of their food when the staff came to take their plates away,” Windsor says.
Only take a selfie if there’s a good reason for it
Selfies with royals would have been an etiquette faux pas until not long ago. But things have started to relax in recent years, and we’ve seen the royal family break protocol with this rule now and then. Occasionally, senior royals will pose for pictures with fans.
So should you ask for a photo if you run into a royal? Fitzwilliams says when in doubt, consider the answer a firm no. “It’s something that is not done generally unless there’s a specific reason for the picture,” he says. “In that case, the royals might make an exception.”
Autographs are generally a hard no, Fitzwilliams adds, for the simple reason that they could easily lead to fakes.
Opt for a firm handshake
They say your handshake reveals a lot about your personality. So if you want to act like a prince or princess, here’s how to do it correctly. “The handshake should be firm. The thumb goes up, the fingers [go] together, shake for two pumps,” explains Windsor.
She adds that it’s also worth considering who you’re shaking hands with. “If someone is quite old, you don’t want to give a [very] firm handshake,” she says. “In that case, just follow what they’re doing.” Either way, don’t forget to look at the person opposite you and shine your royal smile.
Never take sides
“Never complain, never explain,” is an unofficial rule the royal family has lived by for centuries. And as Windsor says, the famous stiff upper lip is still very much a reality today. “Royals must always be impartial and not give an opinion about anything,” she says. “As a member of the royal family, you don’t want people to know what you are thinking because it can be interpreted in many different ways and could be disruptive for the crown. The solution is to just keep a straight face.”
While most people would first and foremost think about politics in this context, Windsor adds that the motto has traditionally applied to other things in life as well, including sports. “Kate cheering at Wimbledon a couple of years ago, and Prince William supporting the English football team in the stadium recently, is something that wouldn’t have happened a decade ago,” Windsor says. Strictly speaking, it goes against royal family etiquette: “The British way is to keep our emotions to ourselves,” she says.
Don’t vote
Talking about being neutral! Here’s a royal family secret: Nobody in the royal family takes part in elections. And that’s the case even though, as Fitzwilliams points out, there’s technically nothing in the law stopping them from casting a ballot. It would be unconstitutional (but not illegal) for Charles to vote because he’s the reigning monarch, but the rest of the family are technically free to use their voice.
“In theory, the royals could vote,” Fitzwilliams says. “But it’s tradition to not get into party politics to avoid trouble, and to skip the elections.”
Choose your spouse wisely—and limit public affection
Lovebirds want to share their luck with the world, and when you’re a royal, that’s exactly what will happen. After all, you’re literally parading your romantic interest in front of the world’s eyes. “There are no strict rules about holding hands or kissing, but generally speaking, less is more,” Fitzwilliams says of the way to navigate royal romances. Showing affection in public should be “reserved for special circumstances, such as weddings, when the newlyweds traditionally kiss on the balcony of Buckingham Palace,” he says.
But not every relationship is quite so reserved. Harry and Meghan, for instance, have broken with tradition, presenting a more affectionate royal couple. They’re often seen holding hands or using other affectionate body language when on camera. As Fitzwilliams puts it, “They made their own rules.”
Of course, even before members of the royal family walk down the aisle, they must consider a laundry list of details while dating. “You can never marry anyone who is not appropriate,” says Windsor. “There are background checks, and it’s important that the future spouse has a profession that is acceptable to society.” In short: “He or she has to be someone the public approves of.”
Additional reporting by Claire Nowak.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on royal etiquette, Astrid Hofer tapped her experience as a London-based journalist with more than 20 years of experience covering topics including the British royal family. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Richard Fitzwilliams, royal expert; interview, July 2024
- Laura Windsor, founder of the Laura Windsor Etiquette Academy; interview, July 2024
- Royal.uk: “Gifts Policy”
- People: “Meghan Markle’s Friend Shares Photos of New Product from Her American Riviera Orchard Brand”
Originally Published: November 08, 2019
