45 Funny Dad Quotes That Are Perfect for Father’s Day 2024
Updated: Jul. 10, 2024
Can't find the right words for Dad this Father's Day? These funny Father's Day quotes are sure to get him laughing.
Funny Father’s Day quotes
Wondering when Father’s Day is this year? In 2024, June 16 is the day to show your father how much you appreciate him through various activities, like watching his favorite movie, making him breakfast in bed or getting creative with a personalized gift or card. Of course, it can be hard to find the right Father’s Day message to write in the card. That’s where these funny Father’s Day quotes come in!
While all dads can appreciate a good ol’ heartfelt Father’s Day quote, let’s tickle his funny bone this year with something different. These hilarious dad quotes will have your dad laughing throughout his special day. Plus, you can share these funny Father’s Day quotes with Dad even after the holiday ends. Trust us, pops will be chuckling in no time. And don’t forget to send him these Father’s Day memes to continue the banter.
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Funny Father’s Day quotes
1. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —Jerry Seinfeld
2. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell
3. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner
4. “Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rearview mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis
5. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell
6. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner
7. “Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rearview mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis
8. “Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” —Jimmy Fallon
9. “Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” —Rodney Dangerfield
10. “We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.’” —Erma Bombeck
11. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain
12. “Remember: What Dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry
13. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” —Bill Hicks
14. “Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” —Chris Martin
15. “When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’” —Jerry Lewis
16. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” —Steve Martin
17. “To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: When you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.” —Ernest Hemingway
18. “My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.” —Spike Milligan
19. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” —Charles Wadsworth
20. “Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.” —Al Unser
21. “The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” —Tim Russert
22. “The best fathers have the softest, sweetest hearts. In other words, great dads are real marshmallows.” —Richelle E. Goodrich, “Slaying Dragons”
Loving these funny dad quotes? Don’t miss these father-daughter quotes that perfectly capture your special bond.
Funny Father’s Day quotes from dads
23. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —Bob Odenkirk
24. “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” —Steve Martin
25. “Having a 2-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.” —Jerry Seinfeld
26. “My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father’s Day. Maybe for Christmas I’ll draw him a picture of some toys.” —Jim Gaffigan
27. “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” —John Wilmot
28. “How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?” —Taye Diggs
29. “Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?” —James Breakwell
30. “I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and, like, a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett
31. “Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” —Martin Mull
32. “I just sit there and make up songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now.” —Elton John
33. “Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours.” —Conan O’Brien
34. “My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.” —Jeff Foxworthy
35. “I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war.” —George W. Bush
36. “On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven visiting Daddy’s freedom.” —Ryan Reynolds
37. “I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn’t met my daughter yet.” —Dax Shepard
38. “The worst part about being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn’t cool.” —Rob Delaney
39. “The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” —Clarence Darrow
40. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of Ikea cabinets.” —John Kinnear
41. “Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” —Ray Romano
42. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” —Jon Stewart
43. “Never underestimate kids’ tenacity. Raising a child is like wrestling a small but relentless opponent.” —Stephen Colbert
44. “Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” —Jim Gaffigan
45. “I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps.” —Jimmy Kimmel
If Dad laughs at these funny Father’s Day quotes, then these dad jokes will surely bring him to tears (the happy ones!).
For more Father’s Day message ideas, check out these Father’s Day quotes for your husband.
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